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A Spy In The House Of Love — With Ariel Levy

Snooping on your spouse is generally ill-advised, but what if he or she has an addiction and is constantly lying about it? The Sugars and writer Ariel Levy answer this question on today’s episode.

“Recently, I was confronted with several clues that my spouse was once again using heroin or some other opiate,” writes a woman who calls herself ‘Feeling Like a Snoop and a Dog.’ “All the clues pointed to that conclusion: empty pill bottles, feeling less back pain, snoring loud at night, and nodding off on the couch.”

Faced with the telling signs of her husband’s relapse, ‘Feeling Like a Snoop and a Dog’ became an amateur sleuth, “This prompted me to get up in the middle of the night, take his cellphone, sit down in a locked room until I had gone through every contact, every email, every text, and every call log I could find.”

Is ‘Feeling like a Snoop and a Dog’ justified in prying into her husband’s private life? The Sugars call on Ms. Levy for answers and to discuss her book, “The Rules Do Not Apply,” in which she writes about her ex-wife’s battle with alcoholism. “Gathering evidence, it’s a full-time job,” says Ms. Levy, “but you cannot control another person’s behavior. All you can do is say, ‘I am choosing to live with this person. I am choosing to spend all my time searching for evidence.’ What would happen if you retired from that job?”

Ariel Levy is a staff writer at The New Yorker and the author of “Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture.” Her work has appeared in The Washington Post, Vogue, Slate, and The New York Times, among many others.


New episodes of Dear Sugars are released weekly. Do you have a question for the Sugars? Email dearsugars@nytimes.com.

Amory Sivertson Twitter Producer for New Programming
Amory Sivertson is an associate producer for new programming at WBUR. She's one of the producers of Modern Love: The Podcast.

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