A Casual Encounter With The Week's News

KORVA COLEMAN, host:

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Korva Coleman, in for Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, host:

Thank you, Korva.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Thank you all. Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Good to be back with you. Good to be back with you after our break. It is Labor Day weekend. The summer news break is over. Congress is going back into session, the dumb bank robbers are signing their stick-up notes, and the animal smugglers are stuffing muskrats down their pants.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Now, we wanted to wait one more week before we got started, until Carl Kasell got back from his vacation, but the smuggler said the muskrats are getting frisky down there, so we better get going. With Korva manning the funny voices, we're ready to welcome our first listener contestant. If you'd like to play, give us a call. The number is 1-888-Wait Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

Ms. KATHRYN HELLAND: Hi, this is Kathryn from Yardley, Pennsylvania.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Yardley?

Ms. HELLAND: They are so hot.

SAGAL: Really?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. HELLAND: Yeah.

SAGAL: You mean really attractive in a kind of sexy way, don't you?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. HELLAND: Oh, yeah, exactly.

SAGAL: Oh, absolutely, absolutely. What do you do there?

Ms. HELLAND: I am a speech therapist and I work with kids with autism.

SAGAL: Oh, really? That's something I cannot make any jokes about at all.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Do you do anything that's less virtuous...

Ms. HELLAND: Well, how about this...

SAGAL: ...that you can help me out with?

Ms. HELLAND: I like to hoop and I have a rescue pit bull named Cinderella.

SAGAL: You have a rescue pit bull?

Ms. HELLAND: Yes, I do.

SAGAL: So that means if someone's in trouble somewhere near Yardley, a pit bull will come?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. HELLAND: No. We actually rescued her from the animal shelter.

SAGAL: Oh, I'm sorry. It works that way, sorry.

Mr. ADAM FELBER (Writer, "Real Time with Bill Maher"): And now she's not willing to pay it forward?

Ms. HELLAND: No.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Kathryn. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a writer for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher," Mr. Adam Felber is right here.

(Soundbite of applause)

Ms. HELLAND: Hi, Adam.

Mr. FELBER: Hi, Kathryn.

SAGAL: Next, it's one of the women behind the Washington Post's Reliable Source column, Ms. Roxanne Roberts.

Ms. HELLAND: Hi, Roxanne.

Ms. ROXANNE ROBERTS (Columnist, "Reliable Source"): Hi.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: And lastly, welcome a member of the "Axis of Evil" comedy tour, comedian Maz Jobrani.

Mr. MAZ JOBRANI (Comedian, "Axis of Evil"): Hello.

Ms. HELLAND: Hi.

(Soundbite of applause)

Mr. JOBRANI: Hello, Yardley.

SAGAL: Now, Kathryn, we have invited you here to play a new game we're calling...

COLEMAN: A casual encounter with this week's news.

SAGAL: Now, we were, you know, perusing Craigslist, and we came across some ads that looked just like they had been placed by people in this week's news. So Korva right here is going to read out for you these ads from Craigslist. Your job, explain who or what they might be about. Do that two times out of three, you will win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your home answering machine. All right, here is your first ad.

COLEMAN: For sale: If you're looking for a cheap, slightly used, oval shaped rug, mission accomplished. Used for two terms, has a few non-alcoholic beer stains. Pick up by the curb on Pennsylvania Avenue.

SAGAL: Reading that, we realized that somebody had redecorated recently. Who?

Ms. HELLAND: Barack Obama.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(Soundbite of bell)

SAGAL: Yes, this is true.

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Americans got their first glimpse of the newly redecorated Oval Office Tuesday night during the president's speech marking the end of combat operations in Iraq. The style of the room is now less Early Georgian than Late Ikea.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: It's got a new coffee table, some stuffed couches. It features a new rug. It's large enough to fit the room, but compact enough so that the president can roll it out five times a day for prayer.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: That's what I heard anyway. Didn't you hear that?

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: I read that on the Internet.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Now, the speech itself on Tuesday night, a lot of people criticized the president for cramming too many other topics into the speech: talking about withdrawing from Iraq, yes, but also pride in the military, the Afghan war, revitalizing the economy, his review of "Eat Pray Love." He really liked it.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. FELBER: Surprise there.

SAGAL: It was as if he was afraid if he didn't keep it interesting, we'd stop watching.

Mr. JOBRANI: I was just, as an Iranian American, I was happy that he didn't talk about Iran in the speech. Because it seems like anytime there's a speech on anything, somehow Iran gets mentioned.

SAGAL: Yeah.

Mr. FELBER: Yeah, there was a little slap to the side, and let's not forget...

Mr. JOBRANI: Yes.

SAGAL: Yeah. It's like in the Easter Egg Roll. Welcome children, damn Iran.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. ROBERTS: Can we go back to the Oval Office redecoration?

SAGAL: Sure, go ahead.

Ms. ROBERTS: All right, which is much more interesting than the speech was.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Really? You were watching him like deliver the speech ending the war and you're going: Get out of the way, I can't see the curtains. Come on, move.

Ms. ROBERTS: No. The big scandal was that the couches are too casual.

SAGAL: Yeah.

Ms. ROBERTS: And that the coffee table is terrible and not historic and sort of antiquey enough.

SAGAL: That's a big scandal?

Ms. ROBERTS: Yeah.

Mr. FELBER: Was this...

Ms. ROBERTS: Yeah, the coffee table caused a lot of uproar among the decorator types.

Mr. FELBER: Yeah, in what circles are we talking about?

SAGAL: You know, it's a shame because...

Mr. FELBER: You can't walk out on the street without...

Ms. ROBERTS: No...

Mr. FELBER: ...overhearing somebody talking about those damned coffee tables in the Oval Office.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Korva, what is the next ad?

COLEMAN: This is also from Casual Encounters, Peter. It says: Seeking enemy with benefits. Things heating up in your Gaza Strip? Follow my road map for love to a two-guy solution. I won't restrict your movements all night long.

SAGAL: That could have been placed by either of two important guests at a meeting in Washington this week that was designed to finally bring about what?

Ms. HELLAND: Middle East peace?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(Soundbite of bell)

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: President Obama, who apparently does not have enough problems, hosted Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas at the White House for peace talks. Expectations for these negotiations were so low that, this is true...

Mr. JOBRANI: How low were they?

SAGAL: They were so low that the meeting - and this is true the meeting was deemed a success because they agreed to another meeting.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: That's true. And that meeting? Well, if it goes well, maybe they'll have another meeting. Because these two men are so old-fashioned, they have old-fashioned virtue. No actual peace until the third date.

(Soundbite of laughter)

Mr. FELBER: Yeah, because you remember how irresponsible everybody was in the '70s? It was like, you know, dude, we got together once, now we're totally at peace.

SAGAL: Yeah, let's get crazy.

Mr. FELBER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Just making peace with people whose names you didn't even know.

Mr. FELBER: Really?

SAGAL: You'd have to sign the peace treaty and you'd be like, oh God, I forgot his name.

Mr. FELBER: Right, I'm going to sign it anyway.

SAGAL: Yeah, you know, it was crazy.

Mr. FELBER: I'll sign my name, he'll sign his, we're done.

SAGAL: But now it's much more conservative.

Mr. FELBER: Yeah.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: This is actually true. The two men - and this is also very unusual - the two men actually met together, with no aides and interpreters, for an hour, just the two of them. We imagine it was the most awkward meeting in the White House since Bill and Hillary dined alone.

(Soundbite of laughter)

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: Korva, what was the last ad that we found in Craigslist?

COLEMAN: Missed connection. Me: Dressed in sequined red, white and blue flag shirt, with Uncle Sam fake beard. You: Unattractive man or possibly Abraham Lincoln impersonator. We talked about our shared love of country and motorized beer coolers. I have a dream of seeing you again.

SAGAL: Those two people might have met at what big rally hosted by whom?

Ms. HELLAND: Let me guess, Glenn Beck?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(Soundbite of bell)

(Soundbite of applause)

SAGAL: This, of course, was last weekend, last Saturday. Restoring America's Honor, it was called. A lot of observers were underwhelmed by the Restoring Honor rally, on the same day and same place as Dr. King's famous "I Have A Dream" speech. Instead of a conspiracy theory festival, it was mostly a mild, patriotic, religious revival. A sort of Woodstock for middle-aged white people. Watch out for the brown Flomax.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: We don't know why Mr. Beck abandoned his blackboard for the day, and his attacks on President Obama, and instead went on about God. Maybe the voices in his head had a religious conversion.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: We really shouldn't mock because the only other way in today's America to get that many people to gather in one place is to offer them either Justin Bieber or a job.

(Soundbite of laughter)

SAGAL: Did you guys watch the rally?

Mr. JOBRANI: No.

Mr. FELBER: I didn't watch much, but were any people of color in the audience? And if they were, did they know they were there?

(Soundbite of laughter)

Ms. ROBERTS: There was some sunburn.

Mr. FELBER: There was sunburn.

Ms. ROBERTS: Yeah, sunburn.

SAGAL: Korva, how did Kathryn do on our quiz?

COLEMAN: Well, Kathryn got three right. So, Kathryn, you're going to win Carl Kasell's voice on your home answering machine.

Ms. HELLAND: Oh, thank you so much.

SAGAL: Well done.

(Soundbite of applause)

Ms. HELLAND: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Kathryn. Thank you for being on our show.

Ms. HELLAND: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.