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Limericks

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Transcript

PETER GROSZ, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our show at the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on November 15th.

Hi there, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

CAROLINE TAYLOR: Hi.

GROSZ: What's your name?

TAYLOR: It's Caro.

GROSZ: Carol.

TAYLOR: Caro Noel.

GROSZ: Oh, Caro. And Caro, where are you calling from?

TAYLOR: Lester, North Carolina.

GROSZ: Where's Lester, North Carolina in the...

TAYLOR: It's outside Ashville.

GROSZ: Oh that's beautiful.

TAYLOR: Yeah, it's gorgeous.

GROSZ: Is that kind of the Smoky Mountains area?

TAYLOR: Yeah.

GROSZ: Well, welcome to the show, Caro. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, and the last word or phrase is going to be missing from each one. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of those limericks, you're going to win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail or answering machine. OK, are you ready to go?

TAYLOR: I'm ready.

GROSZ: Great, here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: My desk chair is quite a sweet ride. I don't walk anymore; I just glide. Now my health's in a rut, you can tell by my butt. It has turned out to be double?

TAYLOR: Wide.

GROSZ: Wide, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Very good.

TAYLOR: I know this one.

GROSZ: You knew that.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Well, it turns out that scientists at Tel Aviv University warn people who sit at a desk all day are at risk of contracting a dangerous disease. No, not Dilbert Fever. It's called "desk butt" and it is exactly what it sounds like.

Over time, the pressure on your rear end from your chair expands your butt to approximately the width and proportion of your desk. So what can you do to combat Desk Butt? Well, you can consider investing in a standing desk or you could eat fewer than nine meals a day.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: You guys ever gotten desk butt?

BRIAN BABYLON: Come on, man.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: How would I know?

BABYLON: Where's Sir Mix-a-lot when you need him, huh?

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: I like desk butt.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: All right, here's your next limerick.

KASELL: Sweets are cheap and there's lots of them handy and my cows seem to like them just dandy. The price of feed corn leaves me sad and forlorn, so I'm feeding my bovine herd?

TAYLOR: Candy.

GROSZ: Candy, that's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Very good. A nationwide corn shortage - you may have heard about this - has forced farmers to just take alternative measures to feed their cows. And they have to feed them these cheaper corn substitutes, and that winds up being things like gummy worms and Froot Loops and cookies and Doritos.

But, after months of living on junk food, the question is will these cows ever go back to just regular grazing? And also, will humans ever be able to go back to old Kobe beef after getting a taste of succulent twizzler steak?

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: That sounds delicious.

GROSZ: Yeah, I mean the great thing about these cows that get fed all this like sugary corn stuff is that when you milk them, nougat comes out.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: All right, here's your last limerick, Caro.

KASELL: A Florida party we cater. We bring reptile handlers and waiters. Our lizards are cool, so slip in your pool, and splash while we bring out the?

TAYLOR: Gators.

GROSZ: That's right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: The answer is gators. Would you like to give your child the best and last birthday party he'll ever have?

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Then you should consider renting a real pool-party alligator from Alligator Attractions. This is a real company. The owner Bob Barrett says his gators have had dozens and dozens of birthday parties so far and nothing bad has happened. And the operative phrase in that sentence is "so far."

BABYLON: Wait a minute; the gators get in the pool with the kids?

GROSZ: The gators get in the pool with the kids. The gators have their mouths like taped shut.

BABYLON: The gator is like "I would eat you so, so fast."

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: To be fair, they're also small and nobody can afford it because what, it costs an arm and a leg.

(SOUNDBITE OF BOOING)

GROSZ: Thank you. Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

BABYLON: Whatever happened just to magicians?

FELBER: They got eaten by the alligators.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: We've finally found a use for those gators.

FELBER: Yeah, they've rid us of the horrible scourge of magicians.

GROSZ: All right, Carl, how did Caro do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, Caro had three correct answers. She had a perfect game. So Caro, you win our prize.

GROSZ: Congratulations.

TAYLOR: Yay.

GROSZ: Great job.

(APPLAUSE)

GROSZ: Thank you so much for playing. Bye-bye.

TAYLOR: Thanks of much. Bye.

GROSZ: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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