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Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: France's Choco-Tax; Speedstick Never Tasted So Good; How To Work In Your PJs.

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Los Angeles at the Nokia Theater on December 6th. And check out the latest "How To Do Everything" podcast. This week: Mike and Ian tell you how name your Washington sex scandal. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

VIVIEN CREE: Hi, it's Vivien from Springfield, Vermont.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Springfield?

CREE: Cold.

SAGAL: Oh yeah. What do you do there?

CREE: I'm a horse...

SAGAL: I'm sorry; you're a horse?

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLIE PIERCE: OK.

MO ROCCA: My god.

PIERCE: I'm assuming there's more.

SAGAL: What we heard you say is that you were a horse. I'm guessing that's either not true or the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: She's going to tap out her answers.

SAGAL: Are you...

CREE: Yes, and Mr. Ed is my father.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

CREE: No, I'm a horse trainer.

SAGAL: You're a horse trainer.

PIERCE: Oh, OK.

CREE: Yes.

SAGAL: Oh.

ROCCA: I wanted to bush your hair. Now I don't.

PIERCE: I wanted to know if she could swing a baseball bat with her teeth.

SAGAL: I've got an apple here, but I guess you won't be wanting it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show Vivien. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Poor Vivien.

SAGAL: Poor Vivien. You just wanted to play a game and win Carl's voice and we're...

ROCCA: And we just want her to whinny.

SALIE: I'll brush your hair, Vivien.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Knock three times with your hoof if you want to keep playing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm sorry. Here we go. Here we go, Vivien. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks but he's not going to finish it. That is your job. Do that two times out of three, you'll win our prize: Carl's voice on your voicemail, in your barn.

CREE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You ready to play?

CREE: I am.

SAGAL: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: If you're not, just say nayyyy.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right.

ROCCA: Giddy up, let's go on with this game.

SAGAL: All right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CREE: Oh, good.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, here is your first limerick. Here we go.

CARL KASELL: Since garlic we're known to secrete, why not try out some foods that are sweet? Open your pores with the sweet smell of s'mores, a deodorant that you can?

CREE: Eat.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes, eat.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Very good. We are good at eating, not so good at bathing, so why not make your pie hole, your deodorant hole?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's the idea being Deo Perfume Candy, which deodorizes you from the inside out. You eat it, a while later, you smell good. That's the idea. Just don't get confused and start thinking you can freshen your breath by shoving Tic-Tacs in your armpits.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: It sounds like a plan by Cruella, worse than measles and mumps and rubella. My hazelnut spread will be priced past my head. They are raising the tax on?

CREE: Nutella.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Nutella. When you see the Brewers play, do you guys yell, "It's a curve ball?"

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Cheaters. Big room of cheaters.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes, Nutella. A new French tax on fattening palm oil products is quadrupling the price of a jar of Nutella, the chocolate hazelnut spread. We all know that it is pure and good and should be a basic human right like air or water.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're treating Nutella the way we Americans treat cigarettes. The next thing they're taxing it to make it more expensive to keep people away from it. The next thing you know they'll be Surgeon General warnings on the package: "May cause happiness in pregnant women."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: "Do not eat with bananas unless you want something awesome."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: On my laptop, I'm earning my bread. A commute isn't something I dread. I turn off my beeper, because now I'm a sleeper. My office is also my?

CREE: Bed.

SAGAL: Bed, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Because of the global outsourcing of companies, the Wall Street Journal reported this week that more and more people are opting to work from their beds, so as to be accessible at all times of the day, night and day and across global time zones. This makes inappropriate affairs with coworkers that much easier.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: While making all-staff meetings weirder.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Vivien do on our quiz?

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: Vivien, you had a perfect game. Three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail.

SAGAL: Well done.

ROCCA: And...

CREE: Thanks.

(APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: She gets Carl's voice on her answering machines and a carrot.

SAGAL: Yes, very good. Thank you so much, Vivien. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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