Limericks

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or, click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium back home in Chicago and check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week: Mike and Ian tell you how to find a charger for your phone when you forgot yours at home.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

NICCOLE GUAGLIARDO: Hi, this is Nikki.

SAGAL: Hey, Nikki, how are you?

GUAGLIARDO: I'm well. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. I'm as excited to hear from you, as you apparently are to hear from us.

GUAGLIARDO: I don't think you are. I don't think that's possible.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Where are you calling from, Nikki?

GUAGLIARDO: I'm calling from Aurora, Colorado.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh wow.

SAGAL: That's not far from Denver, right?

GUAGLIARDO: No, right outside, a suburb.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's a suburb. What do you do there?

GUAGLIARDO: I'm a high school English teacher.

SAGAL: That is a tough job and I appreciate you doing it.

GUAGLIARDO: That's what everyone says when I say that.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Is it a tough job? Are we all correct in our assumption?

GUAGLIARDO: No, it's like rainbows and puppies and sunshine every day.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

ADAM FELBER: That was almost convincing.

GUAGLIARDO: It's true.

SAGAL: I would say then you're not doing it right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nikki, welcome to the show.

GUAGLIARDO: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks. Of course, you being an English teacher are familiar with the classic poetic form of the limerick.

GUAGLIARDO: It's the highest form of poetry.

SAGAL: It really is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl studied at the International Institute of Limericks, which is based of course in Nantucket.

GUAGLIARDO: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

CARL KASELL: I was there during the summer.

SAGAL: I know. So your job, of course, finish it. Do it two times out of three, you'll win our prize: Carl's voice on your home answering machine. Are you ready to do this, Nikki?

GUAGLIARDO: Yes, absolutely.

SAGAL: Let us hear the first one.

KASELL: Now we'll find out what Benedict's eating, or things Cardinals think worth repeating. Father, Son, Holy Ghost will inform all his posts. As "at Pontifex" he will start?

GUAGLIARDO: Oh man. Eating.

SAGAL: No. I think he's been eating for a while now.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's tweeting.

GUAGLIARDO: Oh, tweet. Oh geez, OK.

SAGAL: Pope Benedict has joined Twitter from the account at Pontifex. He'll be sending 140-character tweets in eight languages, including Latin, and answering questions from followers, like "it's not a funny hat. It's called a miter and you're called Blocked."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If this goes well, the church will announce future popes via twitter, just look for hash tag puff-of-smoke.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: He should be Pope Daddy.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: On Twitter. I think that's a good name.

MAZ JOBRANI: Yeah.

FELBER: He and P-Diddy. P-Diddy and Pope Daddy is just hanging out.

JOBRANI: If I ever get that tweet, I will be so excited.

SAGAL: Really?

JOBRANI: If I get from the pope, Pope Daddy and P-Diddy at the club.

SAGAL: There you are. Just hanging.

All right, Nikki, here is your next limerick.

KASELL: My fears about death start to soften as I lay in my pine box more often. Embalmers know best how to face final rest. They suggest to take naps in a?

GUAGLIARDO: Coffin.

SAGAL: Coffin, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Have you ever been to an open-casket funeral and said to yourself, "God that looks comfortable?"

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well thanks to a Polish casket-maker, you no longer have to die first to try one out. For $25 a session, this guy is offering the living the chance to come to terms with their mortality by lying in a coffin for 15 minutes. He's calling it "coffin therapy." Others are calling it, "the time I paid $25 for a panic attack."

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, that's a horrible idea. Who on earth would do that? I mean, at what point in your life would you do that?

JOBRANI: Well the end of it.

SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

FELBER: You know, they do cost a lot. So if you know you're about to die, for $25, you could get into one and just be like, hey. I died, I'm out.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: If you can just get me out of here.

POUNDSTONE: What are you going to take me out of this coffin and put me in another? Yeah, that's a good point right there.

JOBRANI: That's a plan.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, no, that's a terrible idea. You know, although, you know, the holidays are coming up.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bad news is didn't get you the Xbox. Good news...

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: That's a way to send a hint to a relative.

SAGAL: Yeah, it really is.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nikki, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: If it's pizza you love to consume, don't smell flowers, but yeast in full bloom. Though the pun might cause groans, it's a "dough de cologne." It is Pizza Hut's brand of?

GUAGLIARDO: Perfume.

SAGAL: Yes, perfume.

POUNDSTONE: Oh my heavens.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: This week Pizza Hut announced that it is releasing its own line of perfumes, which they claim smell of quote "freshly baked pizza dough." Obviously, inspired by a better pizza restaurant then. Now, guys...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Before you go buying this for your girlfriend, ask yourself this: do I really want my girlfriend to smell the way I do when she is out of town?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Nikki do on our quiz?

KASELL: Nikki had two correct answers, Peter. That's good enough to win our prize. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

GUAGLIARDO: Yay.

SAGAL: Thank you, Nikki. Good to talk to you.

GUAGLIARDO: Thank you, Peter.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.