Carl reads three news-related limericks: The Holy See meets The Holy Tweet; Preparing for Eternal Rest; Eau du Pepperoni
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
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Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!
NICCOLE GUAGLIARDO: Hi, this is Nikki.
SAGAL: Hey, Nikki, how are you?
GUAGLIARDO: I'm well. How are you?
SAGAL: I'm fine. I'm as excited to hear from you, as you apparently are to hear from us.
GUAGLIARDO: I don't think you are. I don't think that's possible.
SAGAL: Where are you calling from, Nikki?
GUAGLIARDO: I'm calling from Aurora, Colorado.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh wow.
SAGAL: That's not far from Denver, right?
GUAGLIARDO: No, right outside, a suburb.
SAGAL: Yeah, it's a suburb. What do you do there?
GUAGLIARDO: I'm a high school English teacher.
SAGAL: That is a tough job and I appreciate you doing it.
GUAGLIARDO: That's what everyone says when I say that.
SAGAL: Is it a tough job? Are we all correct in our assumption?
GUAGLIARDO: No, it's like rainbows and puppies and sunshine every day.
ADAM FELBER: That was almost convincing.
GUAGLIARDO: It's true.
SAGAL: I would say then you're not doing it right.
SAGAL: Nikki, welcome to the show.
GUAGLIARDO: Thank you.
SAGAL: Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks. Of course, you being an English teacher are familiar with the classic poetic form of the limerick.
GUAGLIARDO: It's the highest form of poetry.
SAGAL: It really is.
SAGAL: Carl studied at the International Institute of Limericks, which is based of course in Nantucket.
CARL KASELL: I was there during the summer.
SAGAL: I know. So your job, of course, finish it. Do it two times out of three, you'll win our prize: Carl's voice on your home answering machine. Are you ready to do this, Nikki?
GUAGLIARDO: Yes, absolutely.
SAGAL: Let us hear the first one.
KASELL: Now we'll find out what Benedict's eating, or things Cardinals think worth repeating. Father, Son, Holy Ghost will inform all his posts. As "at Pontifex" he will start?
GUAGLIARDO: Oh man. Eating.
SAGAL: No. I think he's been eating for a while now.
SAGAL: It's tweeting.
GUAGLIARDO: Oh, tweet. Oh geez, OK.
SAGAL: Pope Benedict has joined Twitter from the account at Pontifex. He'll be sending 140-character tweets in eight languages, including Latin, and answering questions from followers, like "it's not a funny hat. It's called a miter and you're called Blocked."
SAGAL: If this goes well, the church will announce future popes via twitter, just look for hash tag puff-of-smoke.
FELBER: He should be Pope Daddy.
FELBER: On Twitter. I think that's a good name.
MAZ JOBRANI: Yeah.
FELBER: He and P-Diddy. P-Diddy and Pope Daddy is just hanging out.
JOBRANI: If I ever get that tweet, I will be so excited.
JOBRANI: If I get from the pope, Pope Daddy and P-Diddy at the club.
SAGAL: There you are. Just hanging.
All right, Nikki, here is your next limerick.
KASELL: My fears about death start to soften as I lay in my pine box more often. Embalmers know best how to face final rest. They suggest to take naps in a?
SAGAL: Coffin, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Have you ever been to an open-casket funeral and said to yourself, "God that looks comfortable?"
SAGAL: Well thanks to a Polish casket-maker, you no longer have to die first to try one out. For $25 a session, this guy is offering the living the chance to come to terms with their mortality by lying in a coffin for 15 minutes. He's calling it "coffin therapy." Others are calling it, "the time I paid $25 for a panic attack."
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, that's a horrible idea. Who on earth would do that? I mean, at what point in your life would you do that?
JOBRANI: Well the end of it.
SAGAL: Yeah, pretty much.
FELBER: You know, they do cost a lot. So if you know you're about to die, for $25, you could get into one and just be like, hey. I died, I'm out.
SAGAL: If you can just get me out of here.
POUNDSTONE: What are you going to take me out of this coffin and put me in another? Yeah, that's a good point right there.
JOBRANI: That's a plan.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, no, that's a terrible idea. You know, although, you know, the holidays are coming up.
SAGAL: Bad news is didn't get you the Xbox. Good news...
FELBER: That's a way to send a hint to a relative.
SAGAL: Yeah, it really is.
SAGAL: Nikki, here is your last limerick.
KASELL: If it's pizza you love to consume, don't smell flowers, but yeast in full bloom. Though the pun might cause groans, it's a "dough de cologne." It is Pizza Hut's brand of?
SAGAL: Yes, perfume.
POUNDSTONE: Oh my heavens.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week Pizza Hut announced that it is releasing its own line of perfumes, which they claim smell of quote "freshly baked pizza dough." Obviously, inspired by a better pizza restaurant then. Now, guys...
SAGAL: Before you go buying this for your girlfriend, ask yourself this: do I really want my girlfriend to smell the way I do when she is out of town?
SAGAL: Carl, how did Nikki do on our quiz?
KASELL: Nikki had two correct answers, Peter. That's good enough to win our prize. Congratulations.
SAGAL: Well done.
SAGAL: Thank you, Nikki. Good to talk to you.
GUAGLIARDO: Thank you, Peter.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.