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Limericks

Carl reads three limericks about politics: The Pacifier Vote, What They're Spending All Their Time On In Washington, and a Municipal Warning.

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924.

Or you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago where you can pick up some Wait, Wait tchochkes. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!"

MELISSA MCQUEEN: Hi, this is Melissa McQueen from Denver, Colorado.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in beautiful Denver?

MCQUEEN: They're just wonderful.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

MCQUEEN: I teach fifth grade.

SAGAL: Do you really?

MCQUEEN: Yes.

SAGAL: And what do you teach those little guys?

(APPLAUSE)

MCQUEEN: I teach them all sorts of stuff. I teach every subject.

SAGAL: Really? What's your favorite unit to teach? What's your favorite subject?

MCQUEEN: Oh, it's got to be Ancient Egypt.

SAGAL: Really?

MCQUEEN: Yes.

SAGAL: Have you ever heard of a god named Thoth?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And is that how you pronounce it?

MCQUEEN: I'm not familiar with that one.

SAGAL: I knew that guy was making it up.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Melissa. Carl Kasell is going to read you three limericks, this week all associated with politics. The last word or phrase will be missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Though we might be infected with rabies, we'll change "no" votes to "yeses" or "maybes." Their hearts we will hook with infantile looks. We earn trust when we look like?

MCQUEEN: Babies.

SAGAL: Yes, babies.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a recent study by researchers in Jerusalem, voters prefer politicians who look like babies. This is because, said the lead researcher at Hebrew University quote "People generally associate a baby face with attributes of honesty, openness and acceptance," unquote. Also, babies? Much less likely to have secret illegitimate babies.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The thing is, if looking like a baby makes you successful, why isn't Newt Gingrich president?

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: I was just about to say.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: A congressional session is daunting. I find that our manners are wanting. Instead of a hearing there's teasing and jeering. Yes, most of our time is spent?

MCQUEEN: Taunting.

SAGAL: Yes, taunting, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Research out of Harvard has found that members of Congress waste 27 percent of their time taunting each other.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Although I don't think that's wasting time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They should referee Congress like the NBA. If a senator gets two technicals for taunting, he's ejected. He tears his jacket, shirt and tie off and heads to the locker room while all the other senators throw beer at him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: The toilet bowl sign gets me thinking. For this courthouse my trust is now shrinking. Yes, I am appalled by the sign in the stalls. It says, please don't use them for?

MCQUEEN: Drinking.

SAGAL: Drinking, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The City Hall in Chandler, Arizona has posted signs reminding people not to drink from the toilet

(LAUGHTER)

CHARLIE PIERCE: Is the entire city council made up of German Shepherds?

SAGAL: No, no, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They say they put up these signs "please do not drink from the toilet," because they've recently installed one of these gray water systems that use recycled water to flush toilets to save water. And it would make somebody ill if they were to drink from the toilet. However, what is worse? Risking that somebody occasionally gets sick from that or revealing to the world at large that toilet drinking is something you have to prevent.

(LAUGHTER)

JESSI KLEIN: What's going on in Arizona?

SAGAL: Not anything...

KLEIN: I mean there's that saying like oh there's something in the water, but apparently there's something in the toilet water.

SAGAL: That's the problem.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Melissa do on our quiz?

KASELL: Melissa, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

MCQUEEN: Yay.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Melissa.

MCQUEEN: Great, thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

MCQUEEN: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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