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Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: A Diet Device, A High Ranking Squiggle, and Road Music.

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, and check out our How to Do Everything podcast. This week: how to finally remember which one is Bill Pullman and which one is Bill Paxton.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!.

RACHEL REDLER: Hi, this is Rachel Redler in Kansas City, Missouri.

SAGAL: Hey, Rachel, how are you?

REDLER: I'm great; how are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Tell me, is everything up to date in Kansas City?

REDLER: Oh, it sure is.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

REDLER: I'm a waitress at the Classic Cookie.

SAGAL: What is the Classic Cookie?

REDLER: It's a restaurant that serves breakfast and lunch and, of course, cookies.

SAGAL: Of course.

REDLER: Yes.

SAGAL: Yeah, and the Classic Cookie. Is this one of these great family restaurants that's been there for generations?

REDLER: It is. My mom is the owner.

SAGAL: That's awesome. I love those places.

REDLER: Yeah. And we ship everywhere, so we can send you some, Peter.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

REDLER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Wait a minute, you ship, like, breakfasts?

REDLER: No. Well, I mean we could, but yuck.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're telling me you'll send us a cookie?

REDLER: Oh yeah, you tell me where.

SAGAL: Right here.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I like cookies. Rachel, it's nice to have you on the show. Carl now is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to go?

REDLER: Oh, yeah.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: As I'm making a mess of this pork, I measure my load, speed and torque. My silverware knows if my appetite grows. My diet's controlled by my?

REDLER: Fork.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The so-called Nagging Fork, grin and happy fork, detects when you're eating too quickly and emits a series of beeps and vibrations. The idea is if you slow down and chew properly, you will fill up faster, thereby eating less. It's the latest in a whole line of Nagging Dishes, who by the way are in your sink, constantly reminding you its about time do did something around the house, you lump.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: For cruising around 55, don't listen to "I Will Survive." My play list of songs will keep focus strong. These tunes keep you safe when you?

REDLER: Drive.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Road rage getting out of hand? It turns out certain songs can help you drive more safely. London Metropolitan University compiled a list of ten songs with the ideal beat and tempo to keep you calm and focused. The songs include "Come Away With Me" by Norah Jones, "The Scientist" by Coldplay and "Never Had a Dream Come True" by S Club 7.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Interestingly, these are also the top ten songs that will help you hate music.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I don't think that - that's a great idea.

SAGAL: What?

POUNDSTONE: You know, because I have the hardest time staying focused when I drive. I love...

SAGAL: I find that hard to believe, Paula.

ADAM FELBER: Wow.

POUNDSTONE: I love the idea that there would be songs that could help. Because even if I - you know, like, I listen to books on tape sometimes when I drive and then I get someplace and I go "How the hell did I get here?" I don't remember any of this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: And that's like a scary feeling.

FELBER: I'd be insulted if I was any of the musicians on that list.

POUNDSTONE: Why?

FELBER: Because basically the scientists are saying that this music is fundamentally not going to catch your attention.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: That's kind of insulting, isn't it?

SAGAL: Yeah. All right, very good, here is your last limerick, Rachel.

REDLER: OK.

KASELL: Jack Lew signs his name kind of funny, like a slinky that's melted and runny. As treasury guy, some weirdness looms nigh. His scribbles will be on our?

REDLER: Money.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: President Obama, this week, nominated Jack Lew to be treasury secretary. And if he is confirmed, his signature will therefore appear on all newly minted bills.

The thing is, Mr. Lew has the most illegible signature anyone has ever seen. It's just a series of connected loops, like the little frosting curl on a Hostess cupcake, or as New York magazine describes it, a quote, "Slinky that has lost its spring." The President says - and he said this - that Lew will work on his penmanship. He could do that or he could just change his name to Treasury Secretary Ooooooooo.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I really think that if that is the way the man signs his name, then that's the way he signs his name, and that if he was a good treasury secretary, perhaps we could back off in this other area.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You think?

FELBER: Well, if we are...

POUNDSTONE: It's a though that I've had, yeah.

SAGAL: Just let him sign his name.

FELBER: If we are spending too much money, wouldn't it be great to have a treasury secretary who can't actually write a check?

SAGAL: That's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Rachel do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, congratulations, Rachel, you had three correct answers. You win our prize.

REDLER: Hot diggity.

SAGAL: Hot diggity dog.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: Hot diggity.

REDLER: Yeah.

SAGAL: Congratulations, bye-bye.

REDLER: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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