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Lightning Fill In The Blank

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: We have a tie, Peter, for first place. Roy Blount, Jr., Amy Dickinson and Maz Jobrani, they all have three points.

AMY DICKINSON: Whoa.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, we have randomly decided that Maz will go first.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. In testimony before Congress on Wednesday, blank took responsibility for failures leading to the attack in Benghazi.

MAZ JOBRANI: Hillary Clinton.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: With a narrow victory in Israel's general elections this week, blank held on to his position as Prime Minister.

JOBRANI: Netanyahu.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Protests and celebrations marked the 40th anniversary of the blank Supreme Court decision this week.

JOBRANI: Roe versus Wade.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In an interview this week, Prince Harry said that he had killed members of the Taliban while in battle in blank.

JOBRANI: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A library in Australia found itself in the news after it jokingly put up a sign saying that it was blanking Lance Armstrong's books.

JOBRANI: Selling.

SAGAL: No, moving them to the fiction section.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After a fall during inauguration weekend, television journalist and host of "The View" blank was hospitalized while recovering from a head injury.

JOBRANI: Barbara Walters.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week government scientists agreed to retire all but 50 research blanks currently in labs and send them to sanctuaries.

JOBRANI: Monkeys.

SAGAL: Well, specifically?

JOBRANI: Chimps.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Although chimps aren't monkeys. We know. Don't write in.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A highway tunnel...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I'm telling you, these people never leave me alone. A highway tunnel in Norway will be shut down for several weeks after being damaged by blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

JOBRANI: A highway tunnel, by a truck.

SAGAL: No, tons of flaming goat cheese.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The delicious tragedy happened as the goat cheese was being driven through the Brattli Tunnel in Norway. It burned for 5 days and closed the tunnel for weeks. Norwegians are making the best of the situation. They're airlifting in emergency supplies of beet salad and walnuts.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Maz do on our quiz?

KASELL: Maz had six correct answers for 12 more points. He now has 15 points, and Maz has taken the lead.

DICKINSON: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. All right, Roy, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the House of Representatives approved an extension that postpones the blank battle until mid-May.

ROY BLOUNT, JR.: The fiscal cliff, debt.

SAGAL: The debt ceiling, we'll go with that.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, John Kerry's confirmation hearings for the position of blank began.

JR.: Secretary of state.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Mark Zuckerberg announced plans to hold a fundraiser for New Jersey governor blank.

JR.: Chris Christie.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Although investigators haven't determined what is causing battery fires, the president of United Airlines called the grounded blank terrific and spectacular.

JR.: It's an airplane, Boeing airplane.

SAGAL: It is but specifically the Dreamliner.

JR.: Oh.

SAGAL: An Alabama man who attempted to rob a Starbucks blanked when the cash drawer would not open.

JR.: Is he the one who just settled for a cup of coffee?

SAGAL: That's exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In an interview with Katie Couric this week, Notre Dame linebacker blank answered questions about his fake dead girlfriend.

JR.: Te'o.

SAGAL: Yes, Manti Te'o.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Donald Hornig, one of the key figures on the Manhattan Project in the development of the blank, died at age 92.

JR.: The atom bomb.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Three criminals in Colombia were forced to abandon their attempt to rob a convenience store after the heist was ruined by blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

JR.: The people that were in the store were enjoying it too much.

SAGAL: No, their getaway was ruined by their getaway donkey.

JR.: Oh, I knew that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You knew that. The criminals had stolen armloads of merchandise and were loading up their getaway donkey when the donkey, being an ass, decided to sound the alarm by braying until police arrived.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: So did they settle for coffee?

SAGAL: Apparently.

DICKINSON: Come on.

SAGAL: Carl, how did Roy do on our quiz?

KASELL: Roy had six correct answers, 12 more points. He is tied now with Maz Jobrani, with 15 points and the lead.

SAGAL: Oh my gosh.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So this is a relatively easy question, but how many then does Amy need to win?

KASELL: Six to tie, seven to win outright.

SAGAL: Right. Started the same place, they got the same answers. You get one more you'll win. Here we go, Amy, this is for the game. Calling the United States its sworn enemy, on Thursday blank announced plans for more nuclear tests targeting the U.S.

DICKINSON: Iran.

SAGAL: No, North Korea. On Thursday, Senator Dianne Feinstein proposed a federal ban on 120 types of blank.

DICKINSON: Guns.

SAGAL: Specifically?

DICKINSON: Automatic weapons.

SAGAL: Yeah, assault weapons.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week Debbie Wasserman Schultz was reelected for a second term as chair of the blank.

DICKINSON: DNC.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After last weekend's games, the San Francisco 49ers and the Baltimore Ravens are set to face off in this year's blank.

DICKINSON: Super Bowl.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week a Texas woman learned the hard way that it doesn't pay to blank when asked to walk in a straight line during a sobriety test.

DICKINSON: Fool around.

SAGAL: No, moonwalk.

DICKINSON: Crawl. Moonwalk.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Senator Frank Lautenberg said this week that Corey Booker is entitled to challenge him in the next election, but that he deserves a blank for being disrespectful.

DICKINSON: A slap.

SAGAL: A spanking.

DICKINSON: That's what I was thinking.

SAGAL: Yes, I know. J Crew announced that out of respect, they are retiring the belt worn by Michelle Obama at the blank.

DICKINSON: The inauguration.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: How is it out of respect? I don't get that.

SAGAL: Well, they don't want to, you know, capitalize on her...

DICKINSON: OK.

SAGAL: In a huge international incident, the United Kingdom accused the nation of France of blanking.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

DICKINSON: Lying down for Hitler.

SAGAL: No.

DICKINSON: No. That wasn't it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of emitting a huge cloud of gas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: France apparently has a chemical factory that disagreed with it, causing the country to emit a huge but harmless cloud of gas smelling of sweat and rotten eggs. It quickly spread, causing the cancellation of a French Cup soccer match. You'd figure a nation with so much cheese would cut some eventually.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh.

SAGAL: England has asked France to make restitution to offended residents on the coast, and also to light the national match.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Amy do well enough to win?

KASELL: Well, she needed six correct answers to tie, but Amy had just four correct answers. So with 15 points, Maz Jobrani and Roy Blount, Jr., are this week's co-champions.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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