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Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Read Your Prescription, No More Baggies, and Moms Make Moms.

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

You can also find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and on the road. And you can check out the latest How to do Everything podcast. This week: Mike and Ian tell you how to get totally pumped for the State of the Union.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: State of the Union, it's exciting. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

REBECCA HALL: Hi, this is Becca Hall from Mercer Island, Washington.

SAGAL: Oh, Mercer Island, beautiful island out there in - outside Seattle.

HALL: Yeah.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

HALL: I am a reservationist for Sky City restaurant at the Space Needle.

SAGAL: You are the reservationist for the restaurant on top of the Space Needle.

HALL: Yes.

SAGAL: That is awesome.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You hold the keys to eating in the space noodle. Space noodle.

TOM BODETT: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Do you serve noodles in the Needle?

SAGAL: Well, Becca, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks. In your honor, he'll rotate while doing it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Of course, he won't finish them. Your job is to do that. Do that two times out of three, and you'll win our game. Ready to play?

HALL: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is our first limerick.

CARL KASELL: My doctor gave me a sly look. As he leafed through my chart, his head shook. Your depression is bad. There's no drugs to be had. I'm prescribing you read a good?

HALL: Book.

SAGAL: Yes, a good book.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Doctors in England will soon start prescribing their patients the most disappointing drugs ever, books.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Staring this year, public libraries across Britain will house a list of doctor-approved books, intending to help people with mood problems, anger, worry, eating disorders. For example, are you eating too much? Try reading "The Jungle."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: An outhouse endorsed by my vet is the best public works project yet. I'm leaving my stoop without baggies or scoop, 'cause there's bathrooms out there for my?

HALL: Pet.

SAGAL: Right, pet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: China is opening up more than a thousand public pet restrooms in the city of Shenzhen, apparently unaware that pets already have a public restroom known as the entire world.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Can you imagine the - I mean if public restrooms - like a men's room in a city is one thing.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODETT: That's one level of hell.

SAGAL: Yeah.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

BODETT: Imagine the shape the ones that the dogs use are going to - actually, it probably couldn't be worse.

KYRIE O'CONNOR: That'd probably be better.

BODETT: Yeah, it wouldn't be that bad.

SAGAL: I'm just happy because you know how there are men - and the men listening will know what I mean - all the time you spent waiting outside ladies' rooms, waiting for your girlfriend or wife or female companion to just finish up and come back out. Now women will be able to appreciate that, standing outside the pet restrooms waiting for their pets to come out.

BODETT: Well the difference is, you know, when you're waiting for your wife, you can't do what you do when you're waiting for you dog, which is "go poop, come on, go poop, go poop."

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I'm glad you don't do that, Tom, but there are guys who do do that.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Apparently, it's a major symptom in a lot of divorces.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: I used to retreat like a turtle. But now to the bedroom I hurtle. When in-laws drop by, the egg-count is high. When her mom's near, my wife is more?

HALL: Fertile.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, fertile.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It turns out, the closer you live to your parents, the greater likelihood of your getting pregnant. British researchers have found the prospect of free child care has a real physiological effect.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is true - on your reproductive system. So tonight, when you're trying to conceive with your partner, just think as hard as you can of your mom and dad being quite nearby.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Putin ought to work that into his...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Becca do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, Rebecca gets congratulations, Peter. You had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

HALL: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much. Thanks for playing. Bye-bye.

HALL: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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