NPR

Panel Round Two

More questions for the panel: Bazooka parenting, A Cure for Mornings

Transcript

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, filling in for Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Tom Bodett, Charlie Pierce and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill opens up a can of rhyme sauce in the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Amy, thanks to new laws in China, you can now be sued for what?

AMY DICKINSON: Is it like a speech thing?

SAGAL: No, it is not a speech thing. It's a behavior thing. They can fine you if you don't...

DICKINSON: Spitting.

SAGAL: No. They can fine you if you don't do something.

DICKINSON: What do Chinese people need to not do?

SAGAL: All right, well.

DICKINSON: Or do.

SAGAL: Now, when your mom says you never call, you never write, it could be actionable.

DICKINSON: So if you don't keep in touch with your parents.

SAGAL: Yes, you can be sued for neglecting your parents now in China.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: Oh, I'm moving.

SAGAL: The Chinese government is tired of listening to old people complain about their bunions or about how Justin Timberlake's new album doesn't come close to the funky hotness of "Future Sex/LoveSounds."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they want to encourage children to take a more active role in the care of their parents by threatening to sue them. A new law makes it legal for elderly parents to sue their own children if the children do not call enough, or check in on them, or bring the grandchildren by or keep whining about how they had to go work at Foxconn when they were eight.

TOM BODETT: Now there's a government that gets behind family values.

SAGAL: There you are.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Wow. That's crazy.

BODETT: Really build relationships with your children. What are you going to talk about when you're court ordered to call your mother?

DICKINSON: I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, you guys are all parents of adult children. What do you think of this?

CHARLIE PIERCE: I'd sick the police on them but I wouldn't sue them.

BODETT: They got nothing. Sue them for everything you got and then I'll just have to give it back at Christmas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Charlie, Canadians can now go to their local health food store and pick up what kind of new breakfast food.

PIERCE: Bacon.

SAGAL: No. They've had that for a while.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is brand new on the shelves. I'll give you a hint. These Trix are not for kids.

PIERCE: What, like, beer flavored cereal?

SAGAL: No.

PIERCE: Whiskey flavored cereal.

SAGAL: It's a kind of cereal. It's a kind of cereal, but it's a cereal that purports to help you with what activity?

PIERCE: Hockey flavored cereal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, I'll give you another hint. It's like Snap, Crack and Hubba, Hubba.

PIERCE: What, it's like sex cereal?

SAGAL: It's exactly Sex Cereal. That is what it is called.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Sex Cereal.

PIERCE: Sex bacon.

SAGAL: No.

PIERCE: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. No.

PIERCE: Why not?

SAGAL: Hold on.

BODETT: You can have it on the side.

PIERCE: Why not? Exactly.

SAGAL: Sex Cereal and sex bacon is part of your complete sex breakfast.

PIERCE: That's right.

(LAUGHTER)

PIERCE: It's one of the two major sex food groups.

SAGAL: Sex Cereal comes in two varieties, for men and for women. The inventor says there's food that's supposed to help your digestive system, why not food to help your more fun parts?

The women's cereal has lots of organic ingredients good for sexual health, like goji berries and chia seeds. The men's cereal is just Viagra capsules covered in brown sugar.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: Made from real oysters.

SAGAL: But do they have to call it...

PIERCE: And amazingly enough, during the test groups, the men finished their cereal much faster.

SAGAL: Oh, that's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How embarrassing will it be to go to the checkout with a six-pack of beer, four hungry man frozen dinners and a box of Sex Cereal?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The cashier is like, good luck, pal.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I can't believe this is a Canadian thing.

SAGAL: Well, you know...

DICKINSON: It just doesn't sound Canadian to me.

SAGAL: The name is very Canadian, so boring. And if they're going to...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If they're going to break into the American market with this product, they're going to need to jazz it up.

PIERCE: Do we have some more names?

SAGAL: We do.

PIERCE: Wow.

SAGAL: Here are our suggestions for what they should call Sex Cereal.

KURTIS: Horney Bunches of Oats.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Or they could call it?

KURTIS: Count Crotchula, now with Crotch Berries.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Oh my god.

SAGAL: Or perhaps?

KURTIS: Grope Nuts.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And of course, because we do not discriminate.

KURTIS: Special Gay.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: Oh my god.

KURTIS: Bill Kurtis, ladies and gentlemen.

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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