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Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Seated Eyelash Press, Paging Mr. Clean, Revenge of the Jocks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

And, hey, would you want to see WAIT, WAIT live if all you had to do was to go to your local movie theater? For information on our special Cinecast event happening May 2, that's Thursday, go to WaitWaitTickets.org. You can see me and Carl, along with special guest Steve Martin and music from Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

TORY KRAFT: Hi, this is Tori calling from Chicago.

SAGAL: Hey, Tori, how are you?

KRAFT: I'm awesome. How are you?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's it. That's what I want to hear. You're not good, you're awesome. Where are you calling from?

KRAFT: Well, I'm in Evanston right now.

SAGAL: Oh.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

SAGAL: Northern suburb of Chicago. What do you do there?

KRAFT: I am a graduate student in the English Department at Northwestern.

SAGAL: Wow.

(SOUNDBITE OF CHEERING)

SAGAL: You are going to get a doctorate in English?

KRAFT: No, a Master's because...

SAGAL: Even better.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Because speaking as an English major myself, a Master's in English opens all kinds of doors.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You basically can write your own ticket.

KRAFT: Don't worry, don't worry. I already have a job.

SAGAL: What is your job?

KRAFT: I'm a Web developer.

SAGAL: No problem then.

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR.: You do something useful with yourself.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Tori.

KRAFT: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is now going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of these limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

KRAFT: I hope so.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

KRAFT: OK.

CARL KASELL: As I hit the deck after my breakup, I'm decked out and I hope you guys wake up. I only regret that I don't break a sweat. I work out less when I'm wearing...

KRAFT: Makeup.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You know, you know those ladies you see at the gym wearing full makeup? Of course you don't. You haven't been to the gym in months. But they're there. And according to a new British study, they're not burning many calories. The idea being they're just there to show off. Really, though, if you're like me, the big problem with makeup at the gym is your mascara runs because exercise makes you cry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: About bathrooms at work we are bitching, but our outrage we soon will be switching. Everyone squirms at the microwave's germs, the filthiest place is the...

KRAFT: Kitchen.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed. You're very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: I would expect a person pursuing a Master's in English to be adept at poetry. In good news from makers of hand sanitizer and bad news for everyone else, a new study finds way more bacteria in office kitchens than office bathrooms. Experts suggest you wash your hands before and after making coffee, wipe down counters after use and avoid the water cooler. So when you want to chat with your co-workers, just gather around the urinal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's safer.

MAZ JOBRANI: You know what the problem is, is the bathroom we know is dirty, so someone always goes in and cleans it. The kitchen you just - everyone leaves stuff.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's true.

JOBRANI: I'm always finding stuff in the back of the fridge, always in the back, hiding, just getting bacteria upped.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: You know what I'm saying. What's the verb for increasing your bacteria? Bacteriaying?

SAGAL: Bacterialating?

JOBRANI: Accumulating bacteria.

SAGAL: I guess.

JOBRANI: Thank you, sir.

SAGAL: You're welcome.

JOBRANI: Are you an English major?

SAGAL: I was.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: It came in handy.

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: A buff body can be like a pox, people think that my mind's filled with rocks. They assume skilled at sports makes me speak in gruff snorts, there's a stereotype against...

KRAFT: Jocks.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed, jocks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: One group has been the victim of discrimination for too long, jocks. This is according to a study from Michigan State University. People keep telling dumb jocks they're dumb, so they don't apply themselves. And the cycle of failure continues. What jocks need is their own it-gets-better project.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: How about the it-doesn't-really-get-better-but-you're-having-a-lot-of-sex-right-now-so-maybe-don't-complain project?

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: You know who they say is really smart is Dolph Lundgren.

SAGAL: Yeah, apparently he is, they say.

AMY DICKINSON: But who's saying that? Stupid people. So...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Other dumb jocks.

DICKINSON: Other...

JOBRANI: Other dumb jocks.

SAGAL: No, I've known some jocks who were (unintelligible).

BLOUNT: We've had Chris Paul on the show.

SAGAL: Chris Paul, a very smart man.

JOBRANI: There's Ryan Lochte.

SAGAL: Yeah, he helps.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Tori do on our quiz?

KASELL: Tori, congratulations. You had three correct answers so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks a lot, Tori.

KRAFT: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC.) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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