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Who's Carl This Time

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Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR news quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. Thank you everybody. Great to see you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks everybody. We've got a great show for you today. We've got comedian Jeff Garlin stopping by later play our games. That's always great to see him. But first, you may have heard that NPR is having some budget problems. The company need to cut 10 percent of staff. So the bosses at NPR offered voluntary buyouts to some employees. But the rules are that management can't ask any of us to take the buyout. It has to be our own decision.

KASELL: Say, Peter, have you heard about the exciting opportunities at Mary Kay Cosmetics?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No. Carl. why do you bring that up?

KASELL: No reason especially. But did you know you in just six months you earn a pink Cadillac?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Thanks, Carl, for the tip. But I promise to stick around long enough to take your calls. The number, 1-888-WAIT-WAIT, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, welcome to WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

KEVIN BELANGER: Hi, this is Kevin Belanger in Washington, D.C.

SAGAL: Washington, D.C.

BELANGER: Yes.

SAGAL: I've heard so many bad things about Washington of late.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So what do you do there in Washington?

BELANGER: I'm the bicycle and pedestrian coordinator for the city of Rockville, Maryland.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You're the - oh, that's awesome.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So you're trying to get people to walk and bike to work?

BELANGER: And trying to make drivers not hit them, as well.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: That's harder.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Kevin. It's fun to talk to you. Let me introduce you to our panel this. First, it's a comedian and the head writer of Comedy Central's "Inside Amy Schumer," it's Jessi Klein.

JESSI KLEIN: Hello.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, it's the comedian who'll be performing at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis on October 14th, Paula Poundstone is here.

POUNDSTONE: Hey.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And finally it's the humorist and author most recently of "Alphabetter Juice," Roy Blount, Jr.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So Kevin, welcome to the show. You're going to start us off of course with Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize, Carl's voice on your home voicemail, anything else you've got to record on. Are you ready to go?

BELANGER: Absolutely.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first quote.

KASELL: We fly with our own wings. Dreamin' all the big dreams. We're free to be healthy.

SAGAL: Now those are lyrics from new commercial jingle that aired this week in Oregon. It's part of ad campaign nationwide to get people to sign up for what?

BELANGER: Obamacare.

SAGAL: Obamacare. Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You got it right. So the problem for the White House is they want to give Americans medicine, and Americans don't want to take it. Their first idea was to just hide Obamacare in some cheese and then rub our throats until we've swallowed it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But that wasn't practical, not enough cheese. So they set up instead these state-based exchanges, and the exchanges have created these ad campaigns to get people to sign up for it without knowing what it really is. So instead of calling it Obamacare, states are using names they think will get people interested. There's CoverOregon in Oregon; in Minnesota its MNSure; Kentucky has KYnect; and in Texas its Live Nude Girls.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, I think they make a mistake even by calling it Obamacare because it - he's not - it's not him caring for you.

SAGAL: Well, actually what happened was as you say, the official - the law is actually called the Affordable Care Act. But the Republicans started calling it Obamacare, you know, to insult him and pejorative. But he actually embraced it. He said I like it, I do care, is what he said. So now everybody pretty much calls it Obamacare.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, I think he made a mistake there.

SAGAL: You think so?

KLEIN: Well, it's better than if Bush did it because then it would Bushcare.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Which could be part of it, which could be part of it.

SAGAL: Matter of fact, Jessi, I do believe that's included. By the way, so the problem is - yeah, the naming is a problem. In Kentucky, there was even a guy who came up in front of a reporter and was very interested in this KYnect program.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's what they're calling it. It's not a joke, ladies and gentlemen.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: That's worse than the joke I made.

POUNDSTONE: Nect is German for jelly.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: A lot of people don't realize that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Kevin, here is your next quote.

KASELL: Move your ass, Google. I ain't getting any younger.

SAGAL: That's a commenter in the Washington Post on Google's just-announced plans to find the key to what?

BELANGER: Solving death.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You're exactly right. Google's announcement that they were going to conquer death itself was pretty big news, but most people didn't hear it because they announced it on Google Plus.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So a brand new company, founded by Google's Larry Page, is devoted to solving the problems of aging such as, for example, the fact that you get older. It's known in Google-speak as a moon-shot project, it's a project that will take a long time and may never work and also because one of the things they're thinking about is sending old people to the moon. Then it'll be like help, I fell down and I can't - actually I can get up quite easily.

(LAUGHTER)

KLEIN: Now when you Google death, it's just going to say: Did you mean life?

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT, JR.: Can you imagine what Elvis would look like now?

SAGAL: That's an odd question.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, and he would have said that no matter what we were talking about.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: No...

POUNDSTONE: Roy gets distracted.

KLEIN: Fair question, though.

SAGAL: Elvis would look probably pretty elderly, I would imagine.

JR.: Exactly, he would look old and fat and horrible. I'm glad that Elvis was not around when they killed Death.

POUNDSTONE: Well, you know what, though? Here's the thing, like if we live longer, and they keep saying we're going to, and I don't necessarily think it's good news, but if we live for like a long, long, long time longer, then what's going to happen is our sense of what looks good is going to change, you know. I mean, you could look like a shrunken apple doll, and people are going to go hey, hey, hey.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: Wow, A shrunken apple doll?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

KLEIN: Is that a thing?

JR.: What's a shrunken apple doll?

POUNDSTONE: Oh come on, you're from the South, you don't know about shrunken apple dolls?

JR.: No, I've never had one.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: We were too poor. I had a shrunken pecan doll.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. No, it's - the head of the doll is a shrunken apple. You never heard of that?

JR.: No.

POUNDSTONE: Oh come on, that's a Southern thing.

JR.: I don't care. So is Elvis, and you wouldn't - didn't want me to talk about that.

POUNDSTONE: I did want you to talk about that. I just thought it was neat that you think about it all the time.

JR.: Yeah, right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Kevin, here is your last quote.

KASELL: I had time for hairspray and butt glue. That was it.

SAGAL: That was one of the contestants at a big competition this week. That woman eventually lost out to its first ever Indian-American winner. What was the competition?

BELANGER: She won the Miss America pageant.

KASELL: Yes, she did, Miss America, there she is, Miss America.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Nina Davuluri is the first Miss America of Indian descent. Her win was very shocking. People all over the country were saying, wait a minute, there's still a Miss America pageant?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Her victory did inspire some disturbing posts on Twitter. People were upset that the honor was given to an Arab, which of course she is not. Supporters of the Miss America pageant were very upset themselves. And why shouldn't they be? All this racism was ruining their sexism.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now the other big controversy, or controversy I should say, at Miss America was Miss Kansas, who had a big tattoo on her ribcage with an inspirational message. It says, my eyes are up there, pal. No actually, it was the serenity prayer.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: Kansas City is a good place for ribs. That might have something to do with it.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It is true, they did look like prices of servings there.

POUNDSTONE: You can eat them or tattoo them.

JR.: Yeah, or just sort of nibble on them.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: (Makes noises)

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Kevin do on our quiz?

KASELL: Kevin had three correct answers, Peter. So, Kevin, I'll be doing the message on your home answering machine.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, Kevin, and thanks for playing.

BELANGER: Yeah, thank you all. I had so much fun.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

POUNDSTONE: Thanks, Kevin. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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