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Lightning Fill In The Blank

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL: We have a tie for first place, Peter. Bobcat Goldthwait and Kyrie O'Connor both have three points. P.J. O'Rourke has two.

SAGAL: OK.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Could we just stop now?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Just let it be.

GOLDTHWAIT: This is my personal best.

SAGAL: It's a good moment for you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, I'm afraid...

P.J. O'ROURKE: It's close to my personal best.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, P.J., you are in third place technically so you're going to go first. Here we go.

O'ROURKE: Yup, OK.

SAGAL: The clock will start when I begin your first question.

O'ROURKE: Alrighty.

SAGAL: Fill in the blank. After the shooting at LAX last week, Attorney General Eric Holder said that he opposes arming blank agents.

O'ROURKE: TSA.

SAGAL: Right, TSA.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Negotiators in Geneva offered Iran relief from sanctions if it agreed to limit some of its blank activities.

O'ROURKE: Nuke.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After its buyout plan failed this week, the CEO of blank was ousted.

O'ROURKE: Blackberry.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Saying it was in bad taste, officials in the British borough of Ards changed a road sign telling drivers to exit here for blank.

O'ROURKE: Fun.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The sign directed drivers to exit here for the cemetery and recycling center.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: After shares went on sale to the public for the first time, stock prices for blank shot up on Thursday.

O'ROURKE: Twitter.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: And 80-year-old Russian shepherd...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...was feeling fine this week after he survived blanking.

O'ROURKE: Fun.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The 80-year-old shepherd was feeling find after he fell off a cliff while fighting a bear.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You do not...

O'ROURKE: ...and drinking and smoking crack...

SAGAL: You bet.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: ...and running for mayor of Toronto.

SAGAL: You do not get to be 80 years old by dying every time you're attacked by a murderous bear.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The octogenarian shepherd kicked and headbutted the bear, but the bear, being a bear, got the better of him and knocked him off a cliff. It's always great when grandpa can tell you stories about his old adventures, and they happened yesterday.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did P.J. do on our quiz?

KASELL: P.J. had four correct answers for eight more points. He now has ten points and P.J. has taken the lead.

SAGAL: Well done. All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin and Bobcat's elected to go third. So Kyrie O'Connor, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Both chambers of the Illinois legislature voted on Tuesday to become the 15th state to legalize blank.

KYRIE O'CONNOR: Same-sex marriage.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius appeared before Congress again this week to answer more questions about blank.

O'CONNOR: Obamacare.

SAGAL: Yeah, and the website.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Forensic experts said this week that tests on the remains of Palestinian leader blank showed results consistent with polonium poisoning.

O'CONNOR: Arafat.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week the culinary world mourned the death of famous Chicago chef blank who died at the age of 54.

O'CONNOR: Charlie Trotter.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Having declared it a potential biohazard, Australian officials are inspecting any blank imported into their country.

O'CONNOR: American food.

SAGAL: Close. Katy Perry album.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According - don't ask me why. According to findings by a British Egyptologist, boy king blank died in a chariot accident and later spontaneously combusted due to improper mummification.

O'CONNOR: King Tut.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A student at NYU was rescued this week after spending 36 hours blanking.

O'CONNOR: Squished between two buildings.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man who was recently arrested for burglary charges...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...in Spokane, Washington told police he was just blanking.

O'CONNOR: Was just twerking.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He said he was playing hide and seek with security guards.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sheriff's deputies responding to a call at the Kaiser Aluminum at 4am found two men huddled behind some barrels. But the men explained they were just playing "hide and seek" with the security guards. The police did not believe them, of course, but they couldn't bring them in because, clearly, they were on base.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Rules are rules.

Carl, how did Kyrie do on our quiz?

KASELL: Kyrie had six correct answers for 12 more points. She now has 15 points and Kyrie has taken the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So Carl, how many does Bobcat need to win?

KASELL: Six to tie, seven to win outright.

SAGAL: Bobcat, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. A German magazine revealed this week that officials had discovered a stash of 1400 pieces of blank stolen by the Nazis.

GOLDTHWAIT: Art.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Because of health risks, on Thursday the FDA proposed a ban to eliminate all blanks in processed foods.

GOLDTHWAIT: Shoot, I know this one. Come on little Bobcat, you can do it.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: It's the fat - the...

SAGAL: The kind of fat.

GOLDTHWAIT: ...saturated.

SAGAL: No, trans fat.

GOLDTHWAIT: Trans - yeah.

SAGAL: To help mend relations in the middle east, blank traveled to Jerusalem to meet with Israeli and Palestinian leaders.

GOLDTHWAIT: Katy Perry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: She would help more than John Kerry. Because of staffing cuts at a hospital in southern Sweden, a substitute janitor's duties were expanded to include blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Surgery.

SAGAL: Performing autopsies.

(SOUNDBITE OF SURPRISE)

SAGAL: He can't hurt them.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Facebook announced this week that it is removing the picture of the thumb from its blank buttons.

GOLDTHWAIT: The thumb from its...

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: ...oh, like?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A British family was forced to leave their home after they accidentally bought bananas infested with deadly blanks.

GOLDTHWAIT: Tarantulas.

SAGAL: Spiders, close enough.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A bridesmaid at a wedding in England...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...was forced to remain outside of the church because she was blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Pregnant.

SAGAL: No. Because the bridesmaid was a horse.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Alex Wells and her bridesmaid Toffee the horse had been together for 13 years, compared with just 5 years that she had known the groom, so when it came time for him to ask for permission to marry Alex, he went to Toffee, which turned out to be a pretty bad idea, since her first reaction was to say nay.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: We saw that coming.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.

SAGAL: I know you did.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: I thought...

SAGAL: And yet you couldn't get out of the way. Carl, did Bobcat do well enough to win?

KASELL: He needed at least six to tie but he had just three correct answers. So with 15 points, Kyrie O'Connor is this week's champion.

SAGAL: That'll happen. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute we're going to ask our panelists what Toronto Mayor Rob Ford will do next after he leaves office. But first let me tell you that... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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