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Limericks

Carl reads three news-related limericks: A Thanksgivukkah Crisis; Hair-raising Havarti; Beware Mr. Compact Class.

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Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where, of course, you listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT, WAIT...that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our big show in Memphis on December 19th. You can also check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, we tell you how to play North Korean basketball Dennis Rodman style.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

BETTINA CASSELL, CONTESTANT: Hi. This is Bettina Cassell from Goddard, Kansas.

SAGAL: Bettina Cassell?

CONTESTANT: Yeah.

SAGAL: What a distinguished family name.

ROY BLOUNT, JR.: Very much so.

CONTESTANT: Yes, very - yes.

SAGAL: Bettina, let me ask you something, and I want you to give me a straight answer, have you ever lied about being related to Carl to gain advantage?

CONTESTANT: All the time.

SAGAL: I bet.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Bettina. Carl Kasell will now perform for you three news-related limericks, with the last word missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to play?

CONTESTANT: Yes.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: For tasty, filled Jewish kuh-dish-es, the tim-ing is simply kuh-vic-ious. Sup-plies are all ga-nuk-kah, Right before Han-uk-kah. It seems we've run out of...

CONTESTANT: ...knishes.

SAGAL: Knishes, yes

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Knishes, oh no.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A fire at the famed Gabila's Knishes factory on Long Island has caused a national knish shortage of k-nepic proportions, thereby threatening to ruin the first Thanksgivingukah in 125 years. Jewish Grandmothers will have to pretend to made something else from scratch.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anyway, the Gefilte Fish factory is just fine, proving once and for all that God hates us.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: New York has the tallest knishes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's true. Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: My psychiatrist gladly agrees that blue Stilton sets monsters at ease. But smooth triple creams give nightmarish dreams. My sleep is affected by...

CONTESTANT: ...creams?

SAGAL: Not creams.

CONTESTANT: Can you say it one more time?

SAGAL: I think he can.

CONTESTANT: Okay.

KASELL: My psychiatrist gladly agrees that blue Stilton sets monsters at ease. But smooth triple creams give nightmarish dreams. My sleep is affected by...

ROCCA: Say, say...

CONTESTANT: Say?

JR.: No, no, no.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Smile, smile and say...

JR.: It rhymes with the first two lines.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It rhymes with agrees, it rhymes with ease.

CONTESTANT: I don't know.

ROCCA: Munster, munster...

SAGAL: I'll give it to you. It's cheese, you see, cheese.

CONTESTANT: Oh.

SAGAL: According to...according to...oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to British folklore, eating cheese before bed gives you nightmares, right. The British Cheese Board looked into this, and found cheese does in fact affect your dreams. Swiss cheese, for instance, gives you that dream where you're standing at the front of class naked afraid everyone can see your holes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is still fine. You can still win it by getting this third one. Here we go.

KASELL: Because parents are always judgmental, the holiday season's not gentle. I will pose as your mate for a really good rate. I'm a boyfriend, but only a...

CONTESTANT: ...rental.

SAGAL: Rental, yes.

(APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: That's hysterical.

SAGAL: A new service is helping single women in China rent boyfriends for the holidays. For just 80 to 13 hundred dollars a day, women won't have to show up to holiday parties alone. Now they can bring a rental boyfriend. He looks in every way like a real boyfriend except for the small sticker on his butt that says Enterprise.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Bettina do?

KASELL: Bettina had two correct answers, Peter, so she wins our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Bettina. Thank you so much. Thanks for playing.

CONTESTANT: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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