NPR

Limericks

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Transcript

MIKE PESCA, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-88-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending the weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and the upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox Massachusetts on August 28th. Also, check out the How To Do Everything podcast, this week, how to stop a zombie invasion. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

CINDY CHIN: Hi, Cindy.

PESCA: How are you, Cindy?

CHIN: I'm good. How are you?

PESCA: Where are you calling from? What do you do there?

CHIN: I'm calling from San Mateo, California and I'm a school principal.

PESCA: And how is that going?

(LAUGHTER)

CHIN: It's going well.

PESCA: Yeah, how do you measure that? Through a lot of standardized tests.

(LAUGHTER)

CHIN: Yes.

PESCA: Well, welcome to the show, Cindy. And Carl is going to read three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you are a winner. Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: The nose has an ego that swells, it can sense more than language foretells. What makes this so sad is that most of it's bad. It can recognize one trillion...

CHIN: ...smells.

PESCA: Smells, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: According to new research from Rockefeller University in New York, the human nose is capable of smelling one trillion different odors...

ROY BLOUNT JR.: That's surprising.

PESCA: Yeah. They had previously thought only 10,000 were able to be smelled. And it's really bad news, because only about say ten of those smells are good smells, like roses or freshly baked cookies, or perhaps the smell of napalm in the morning...

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: ...and the remaining thousand billions are different variations of the F train in July.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: A haven like this one combats cafes filled with moms and their brats. We answer your chow with a friendly meow. Our shop is just teaming with...

CHIN: ...cats.

PESCA: Cats, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: If you're unsatisfied with the high prices and conspicuous lack of cat hair on everything at your nearest Starbucks, then check out Italy's Café Meow. Instead of unemployed writers charging their cell phones, the café is filled with rescued cats and unemployed writers charging their cell phones.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: The café takes its cat theme very seriously. For example, all employees must lick their hands before returning to work...

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: ...and the cat baristas cough up shots of espresso. You wanted a double shot? HACK HACK.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Though it's claimed to make ventricles flutter, it has a great sizzle and sputter. Just like the French with dairy we'll drench, hooray a resurgence of ...

CHIN: ...butter?

PESCA: Butter, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

KASELL: A new study says - and that by the way has to be the name of the next NPR show, A New Study Says...

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: ...a new study says butter is back. It won't kill you. No more fake butter spreads and low cholesterol substitutions. So start slathering it on your toast again. This is the way of things. This is how everything we know about food goes, right? Everything that was supposedly bad is now actually good. Pretty soon there'll be a new study shows that cigarettes are good, tanning beds are good, Arby's are good.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: New recommendation, you just ate. You have 15 minutes to go swimming.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: I have a poem. It's not very long.

(LAUGHTER)

JR.: Truer words were never uttered, anything good is better buttered.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: Carl, how did Cindy do?

KASELL: Perfect game there, Mike. She had three correct answers so I'll be doing the message on her home answering machine.

PESCA: Congratulations, Cindy.

CHIN: Oh, thank you so much.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: Goodbye.

CHIN: All right. Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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