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A football game can end in roaring, cheering, crazy screams,
And it can end in players all fulfilling all their dreams,
And coaches celebrating that they never will be fired,
Until they are. But, anyway, the whole place can be wired
If that is how the game ends, say, on some last second pass
That someone catches in the endzone, sitting on his ass.
A football game can end in tears; there can be wicked pain,
If on the team that is ahead the quarterback's insane,
And with no more than seconds left, he doesn't take a knee,
But laterals the ball when any idiot could see
That if he'd simply held it, simply fallen to the sod,
He wouldn't ever after be considered such a clod.
A football game can end in tears at some bonehead mistake.
A player goofs. It happens, though it can be hard to take,
And no fan of a team so cursed will ever think it's funny,
Unless he has neglected to back up his team with money.
So cheering, sure, and tears, all right, it can go either way,
The games can break your heart. That is the price you have to pay,
But why can't the officials do the jobs they're paid to do...
Which brings us back to how games shouldn't end, because it's true
That there is one result less satisfact'ry than the rest,
It gnaws upon the gut like some relentless, nasty pest,
For neither teams performing well, nor lucky, bouncing balls,
Can overcome the outrage caused by missed or messed up calls.
That touchdown was no touchdown, and that penalty appears
To only have occurred between the fathead linesman's ears.
And when the season ends like that, the biggest game of all,
That should have been the super one just ends up feeling small.
A clash between two teams of monstrous hulks and coaching men,
Who plot and plan while others sleep must never be again
The plaything not of fate but of a man who cannot make
A sensible decision...or a man who cannot take
The time to find an angle on the play he's 'sposed to see...
My gosh, I know they aren't paid much, but neither are they free.
So if there is one lesson that the Super Bowl has taught,
It is that the officials — although no one says they're bought
And paid for, should be competent, and each one on the ball,
Lest seasons end in arguments about a lousy call.
This program aired on February 11, 2006. The audio for this program is not available.
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