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O Brady, Where Art Thou?

Last Sunday was a disaster. The anguish, the pain, and the mournful cries of Pats fans could be heard everywhere. It's official, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is out for the 2008 season. It's true, Brady's season-ending knee injury is, without a doubt, the worse thing to ever happen. Commentator Bill Littlefield knows it, and so should you.

They tell me that the hurricanes are hurt’ling toward the coast
And people living there may find their property is toast.
I know that global warming’s melting ice and raising Cain,
Or raising oceans, anyway, so it may seem insane.
That here we are not moved by all the temperatures a’rising.
We’ve got a bigger problem. It may strike some as surprising
That hunger, war, and pestilence, economies in danger
Are not what we’re concerned about. If that strikes you as stranger
Than it should be, well, sorry, pal, but here, without a doubt,
Our main concern since Sunday is, our quarterback is out. “You’re nuts!” I hear you thinking, and I sort of understand,
As housing prices fall and banks are trembling ‘cross the land,
As politicians mock opponents, shrieking at their worst
No matter how screwed up we are, America is first…
As if that really matters, first or last, we’re doomed unless
All nations work together to address this wretched mess…
But though those several issues might, to some, appear to be
Important, they are nothing to Tom Brady’s torn up knee.
See, Brady is a hero. How could we think otherwise?
He dates a super model, and he rockets through the skies
In his own jet. Besides, he’s won the Super Bowl as well,
Not once, not twice, but three times, and the fans all think he’s swell.
A hero who’s accomplished what Tom Brady’s done of late
Convinces everybody that America is great
No matter what it doesn’t do to keep the country healthy…
No matter how it fails to tax the very, very wealthy…
No matter all the ways the nation’s acting pretty shady,
America’s heroic with a healthy, smiling Brady. Oh, somewhere sun is shining, and somewhere the children cheer,
And somewhere people recognize, because it’s sort of clear
That there are dangers, man-made plagues, and much for folks to do,
But with that sort of reasoning, I fear that we are through…
For we have lost Tom Brady for the season, so the fuss
Of Armageddon or apocalypse will not move us.
Elect, then, whom you will. Make war all over, everywhere…
Without our Tom, you see, it’s gotten hard for us to care.

This program aired on September 11, 2008. The audio for this program is not available.

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