If the attempted online sale for $25,000 of the beverage bottle from which Tiger Woods allegedly sipped works, I'm set.
I've got a New York Giants cap stained with the actual sweat of Willie Mays, and part of a tennis racket grip that came off when John McEnroe threw the racket against a fence at the Longwood Cricket Club, and some empty glass bottles, little ones, that are the actual steroid vials that belonged to either Arnold Schwarzenegger or Hulk Hogan, whichever one the market likes better.
I'll let each item go for $2,500 — all three for six grand. And all the glass bot — I mean, "steroid vials," together only count as one lot.
I've got a splinter from the Splendid Splinter's bat from back when Ted Williams really was the Splendid Splinter, rather than a big, old guy. I've also got the only necktie Ted ever wore and several feathers from some of the pigeons he shot out of the girders at Fenway Park. Unless the market doesn't care anymore about anything connected to Ted Williams, in which case the feathers are from the pigeon that won a trans-Atlantic race in 1956, finishing in Yankee Stadium just as Don Larson threw the last pitch in his World Series no-hitter, and that splinter I mentioned is a piece of the true cross.
I've got gum wrappers, too — a couple from gum chewed by Muhammad Ali — three, in fact, and the telephone receiver that was hanging in the clubhouse of the ballpark in Cincinnati until Pete Rose ripped it off the wall when he found out his bets had gone sour again. The phone's yours for $10,000, unless somebody gets there first, so act now.
I've got some of the sheer wraps with which the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit models covered themselves between poses, perfume still on some of 'em. Let's see here, I've got lavender, springtime rose, mint green and this one that's sort of off-white. No, wait a minute. This last one's not a swimsuit model's wrap after all. It's too heavy for that. It must be, well, sure, it's the shroud of Turin. I've got the shroud of Turin, unless it's a piece of the canvas that was first used to cover center court at Wimbledon or part of the sail from the first boat ever to win the America's cup or Mick Jagger's cape. If one of those means more to you than the shroud of Turin, then that's what I've got.
And you can trust me on all this, because if you're high bidder, you get a certificate of authenticity. An authentic one. Says so right on it. Too bad this is radio. I could show it to you.
What else do you need?
This program aired on February 25, 2009. The audio for this program is not available.