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All-Star Everythings

This article is more than 16 years old.

There should be all-star architects, and all-star plumbers, too...
The latter could all gather to clear pipes clogged up with goo,
As thousands cheered the water as it whooshed down pristine drains.
There should be all-star astronauts, and researchers with brains
More active than the brains of those who work in other labs
Should also be named all-stars, even if their pecs and abs
Don't bulge. All-star mechanics should be honored for their touch
With cranky engines, and for never charging us so much
That we must dig into our savings to reclaim our cars...
There should be all-star waiters, too, and folks who work in bars
Should also be called all-stars if they're pleasant and discreet,
And shouldn't maids be all-stars if the rooms they clean are neat?
There should be all-star singers, those who never miss a note,
And sing with spontaneity, and not as if by rote.
And all-star painters wouldn't see themselves as in a rut;
They'd never spatter paint around or paint the windows shut.
When I'm in a convenience store, and I'm served by a jerk
Who's stoned or lost in space, I wish I had an all-star clerk...
A man or woman, boy or girl, who doesn't snarl or bite,
And can provide directions if I'm lost, alone at night,
And not just shrug and tell me that he doesn't know the way
To any place I'm going, so just hurry up and pay.
There should be all-star help desk folks, who, though they know it all,
Don't make the rest of us feel dumb each time we have to call. There
should be all-star cleaners, who would never lose our stuff, And all-star
blackjack dealers would say, "Pal, you've lost enough," And point us
toward the door before we pawned our shirt and shoes. The all-star games
for athletes always make the t.v. news... But why should they have all the
fun and all the glory, too? There should be all-star everythings. No
matter what you do, You should be on the ballot, though I don't know who
would vote, And as an all-star, when you won, I'm sure you wouldn't gloat.

This program aired on July 15, 2005. The audio for this program is not available.

Bill Littlefield Twitter Host, Only A Game
Bill Littlefield was the host of Only A Game from 1993 until 2018.