Driven

More evidence that there is no such thing as enough, let alone too much, in the land of the free and the home of the brave surfaced in New York and streaked across a stinking nation this week when it was announced that Derek Jeter and Avon products have teamed up to create "Driven," a fragrance that "reflects the unique personality of one of the most driven men in America."

That man would be the New York Yankees shortstop himself, who says that he was personally involved in the creation of "Driven," which is "a blend of chilled grapefruit, clean oak moss, and spice."

I like chilled grapefruit as much as anybody does. Even the scent of grapefruit at room temperature delights me. I'm unfamiliar with clean oak moss, but I'm guessing it smells better than dirty oak moss. Beyond that, who can object to spice? Only a person who elects to smell bland.

Look, I'm not making this up. Derek Jeter, who, according to a recent survey by Sports Illustrated dot com, was hauling in about twenty eight million dollars a year in salary and endorsement money before the advent of "Driven," is offering you, and me, and every other man who aspires to smell driven the opportunity to do so. All you have to do is buy the stuff "housed in the sleek blue bottle with the silver cap."

Though one might assume that being the shortstop for the Yankees during a pennant race would be a full time job, Derek Jeter claims he was "very involved" in creating the design of that sleek blue bottle, as well as the stuff that's inside, which his mother, Dot, and sister, Sharlee, also smelled, just to make sure it was not only "the sort of fragrance men would like to wear, but the sort of fragrance women would like them to wear."

Am I the only guy wondering whether your mother and sister would want you wearing the same scent other women might want you wearing?

And that's only one of the questions raised by "Driven," which might be silly enough, but now how long is it going to be before one of Avon's wily competitors comes out with "Big Lumpy," in the soft and flabby plastic squeeze bottle, for men who'd just as soon smell like Red Sox pitcher David Wells?