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It's that time of year when we all make lists of things for which we are thankful. For some, the list might be a bit shorter this year. But, Bill Littlefied suggests, at least you're not one of these guys...
I guess one should be thankful that one is not Tiger Woods.
He learned this week that he has lost his Buick gig, the goods
Of which involved not only all the Buicks he could drive,
But also seven million dollars. How will he survive
Without the seven million G.M. paid him every year?
It is a silly question. See, the answer’s fairly clear…
For Tiger, though he isn’t playing, still makes a gazillion –
I’m kidding. Actually, it’s only ninety seven million
For smiling over all the products he’d like you to try,
And he’ll continue making millions, if you choose to buy
A golf shoe with his name upon it, or that fancy watch,
And these are opportunities that he may never botch,
For he’s no dummy, Tiger. Maybe now that he can’t see us
From deep within that Buick, he will get himself a Prius. Be thankful, also, that you’re not the Yankees’ Derek Jeter.
His life is sweet, I’m sure, but last year it was even sweeter.
For last year, ‘mongst the highest earners, he was number eight
With thirty million bucks or so, and that was pretty great,
But now he’s fallen down two spots, and he is number ten.
Perhaps the Yanks will win next year, and he’ll be eight again. I joke about the money that the richest athletes make
For playing the games they play and then, for Kobe Bryant’s sake,
For grinning with their gleaming teeth about the clothes they wear,
The aftershave they use, or what they put upon their hair…
But in this time for giving thanks, I’m sure you will agree,
There’s much we should be grateful for, and speaking just for me –
I’m glad I’ve missed no foul shots while a million people screamed
And cursed my name for fouling up what they had lately dreamed.
I’m thankful that I’ve not been punched a lot about the head,
For even were the money great, I’d rather have instead
A healthy brain, and likewise I am glad I didn’t pick
A way to make a living where some huge guy with a stick
Would slam me up against the boards and, shattering the glass,
Would skate away with arms raised while I sat upon my ass. I’m kidding, but that kidding is a way to start to say
What feels like it’s significant on this and every day:
I’m thankful, then, for family, and for friends, and down the chart
I’m thankful for the games, and that you’ve let us be a part
Of how you come to understand as you get through the day
The fun that’s in the celebration of all sorts of play.
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