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Don't Bring Your Gun to Town

This article is more than 10 years old.

On Monday evening, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell spoke to the issue of New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress, whom Goodell had suspended for the remainder of the regular season after Burress shot himself in the leg with a gun for which he had no New York City license. Plaxico Burress was in a night club at the time. Commissioner Goodell said players should stay away from places where they’d feel unsafe without guns. Bill Littlefield finds the advice sensible, but hardly original.

(Inspired by "Don't Take Your Guns to Town" by Johnny Cash) A young receiver name of Plax
Got set to go to town.
He thought he'd find himself a place
Where he could party down.
And as he stepped outside the door,
He took a look around,
For he thought he heard somebody say
"Don't take your gun to town, "boy"
Leave your gun at home, Plax
Don't take your gun to town. Young Plax was somewhat mystified.
He knew not what to think.
He thought he might feel better if
He had himself a drink.
So he headed for a nearby club
And sat himself right down,
And he thought he heard somebody say
"Don't take your gun to town, "boy"
Leave your gun at home Plax
Don't take your gun to town. Now you might think that what happens next
Is easy to assume.
Some guy who wants to make his name
Strides right into the room
And calls out Plax, who feels the need
To show that he's a man
That he can draw his pistol
Fast as anybody can.
But that's not how it went down.
Plax was clumsy, more than brave.
The gun slipped down his pants leg
As he tried to make the save
The gun went off and when the room
Did fin'ly quiet down,
He heard the echo of that song
Don't take your gun to town, "boy"
Leave your gun at home, Plax.
Don't take your gun to town. Now Plax will not be playing,
The commissioner has spoke.
And though young Plax might wish he'd
Seen the whole thing as a joke,
Goodell said if a firearm
Is what you need to show
In order to feel safe,
Then that's a place you shouldn't go
And as young Plax, suspended,
Thinks of how the deal's gone down
He's likely to hear once again
"Don't take your gun to town, 'boy.'"
Leave your gun at home, Plax
Don't take your gun to town.

Bill Littlefield Twitter Host, Only A Game
Bill Littlefield was the host of Only A Game from 1993 until 2018.

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