The congress doesn't love a man who walks a crooked path,
Though some among the legislators sought his autograph
When Roger Clemens sat before them, took the oath and said
He'd never in his long career forsworn the rules and fed
His aging bulk with steroids, though some people thought he lied,
And that's why he's in court again to once again be tried.
The Congress, on the other hand, is partial to the man
Who won himself more majors than the tarnished Tiger can,
Unless he somehow rights himself and wins at least four more
To overtake Jack Nicklaus, for whom congressmen did roar
This week when they awarded him – or actually bestowed
Upon him the Congressional Gold Medal for the load
Of money he had helped to raise for children who were sick,
And also for how well he'd struck a golf ball with a stick.
And so hurray for Jack, the Golden Bear, as he was known.
His glory since his salad days upon the course has grown,
And golden medal hangs around him — as perhaps it should,
For he was great at what he did, and also he's done good.
There is, perhaps, no moral fitting for both noted men
Of sport who've found themselves beneath the spotlight once again
This week for reasons different as they possibly could be.
But is it such a stretch to be suggesting we should see
That if one would be honored by the Congress of this land,
Then charity and golf are solid blocks on which to stand,
Where baseball in a time of doubt, when long careers are longer,
Because the men who might have weakened somehow got much stronger
By means of who knows what they took or what they might have taken?
The faith of those who once believed them certainly was shaken...
Ah, Congress loves a Golden Bear. This week has shown us that,
And Congress does not love a Rocket who before them sat
And said he didn't do the things that many thought he'd done,
So back to court he's gone, where much is lost and little's won.
This program aired on April 20, 2012. The audio for this program is not available.