An Ode To The NFL Coaches Fired On Monday

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Mike Shanahan was among the five NFL head coaches fired on Monday.  (Evan Vucci/AP)
Mike Shanahan was among the five NFL head coaches fired on Monday. (Evan Vucci/AP)

The news on the economy is good regarding work.
There's lots of it available as future coaches lurk
Around the NFL's flush margins, hoping for the jobs
Of men who once were promising, but turned out to be slobs.
The Bucs, The Browns, The Lions, each one lately made a switch,
The team that plays in Washington, encountered quite a glitch
When RG3, the quarterback, could not fulfill the plan
Which meant the coach was out. So long, goodbye, Mike Shanahan.
The Vikings likewise fired their coach, Les Frazier is his name,
The Texans, too, met failure by resorting to the same
Old strategy of "Fire the coach; you cannot fire the team."
Though if you could it might be every coach's secret dream.

But we need not grieve much for all the coaches who were fired,
For in the NFL, it's certain that they'll be re-hired
To run the offense elsewhere, tell receivers what to do,
Or take a leaky defense that was old and make it new.
Their titles might not be "Head Coach," at least not right away:
A scapegoat can't be crowned a genius on the very day
That he's turned in his Vikings horns and donned a Cowboy hat…
There wouldn't be a lot of sense to movement such as that.
But soon enough the phone will ring, for most of them, at least,
And Buc will become Lion or perhaps another beast.
It's likewise true in baseball, where the old boys' network thrives
And gives each fired manager a cat's allotted lives,
Or makes of him a third base coach, a bullpen coach, GM,
For everybody knows we'll never have enough of them.
It's said the coach is hired to be fired, and it's so.
He's also fired to be hired, if he's good to go
From one coast to the other or to somewhere in between
Where he will be employed and where the slate will be wiped clean,
Until the losses mount and he's receiving so much flack,
That some disgruntled owner tells him that it's time to pack.

This segment aired on January 1, 2014.

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Bill Littlefield Host, Only A Game
Bill Littlefield was the host of Only A Game from 1993 until 2018.



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