With all the big-name Republicans passing on their party’s convention in Cleveland this week, here are some excuses for them to consider when asked why.
1. I got stuck at the blood pressure machine in the drugstore.
2. I fell asleep listening to Mike Pence.
3. I have to be home to see if I won the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.
4. My hands are too big.
5. I sweat too much.
6. I paid $50,000 to Trump University and now I’m broke.
7. I’m binge watching every episode of the Kardashians.
8. Roger Ailes said something was wrong with the bed in his hotel room and asked me to check it out.
9. The dog ate my credentials.
10. I took the wrong plane and wound up in Syria
Here are actual reasons given by many prominent Republicans:
Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin: Donald Trump explained: “It’s a long ways away.”
Arizona Sen. John McCain: “I’ll be flying around the Grand Canyon.”
Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush: “I’m not voting for Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.”
Sen. Ron Johnson of Wisconsin: “It kind of looks like there’s a lot of stuff for me to do in my state.”
Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan: “It’s a mess. I hate the whole thing.”
Sen. Steve Daines of Montana: “[I] will be fly fishing with his wife.”
Sen. Jeff Flake of Arizona “will be mowing his lawn.” (Yep, in Arizona.)
Former Sen. Judd Gregg of New Hampshire. “Grandchildren coming east for that week” and “Don’t like large crowds.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. “I can watch it on TV.”