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Love Letters: Is His Fantasy Life Dangerous?17:04

This article is more than 8 years old.
(Josh Liba/Flickr)
(Josh Liba/Flickr)

In today's Love Letter, we take a closer look at porn.

Here's an excerpt of the letter:

I'm a 31-year-old female. I've been in a relationship with a great guy for six months now. We met online. He's 32 and has a graduate degree and a great job. I've met his family and passed their test, and he's met mine and passed theirs. We live apart but spend three to four nights a week together at each other's apartments. So far, so good.

The other night was an unsettling experience to say the least. I was at his place for the night. I woke up at about 3 a.m. and he was not in bed. I could see the light on in his office so I got up and walked down the hall. As I approached the office, I could see him seated at his desk, enjoying an adult video on his computer. I'm not a prude – I know that this happens — but what was unsettling was that he was viewing [extremely aggressive] material that was degrading to women, both verbally and physically. And what was worse, he was muttering to himself as if he were part of the scene.

Needless to say, I was appalled. He absolutely is not like that. He treats his mother and sisters with great respect. Our lovemaking is sweet and tender, almost too gentle. He's about the last guy on earth I would have expected this from. Now I'm concerned that he harbors some deep hatred of women that might work its way to the surface someday.

Our panel of experts weigh in. What would you say?


  • Meredith Goldstein, Love Letters columnist, Boston Globe
  • Dr. David Scharch, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist; author, "Passionate Marriage" and "Intimacy and Desire"
  • Jamye Waxman, M.Ed., sex educator who has co-written, directed and produced adult films


This segment aired on June 3, 2011.

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