Barbara Beckwith

Writer

My grandsons are oblivious to their white privilege, which starts with the freedom as kids to brandish fake weapons and pretend to kill each other, with no dire consequences.

...if they can learn not to call people fat or ugly, they can learn to have fun in ways other than with war games.

Toys Will Be Toys? The Trouble With Toy Guns

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Opinion

Must septuagenarians and octogenarians cede control to the next generation? Must we swallow our crankiness and wheedle for what we need?

I’d always thought that by age 70, I’d no longer have to be nice. There’d be no need to live up to anyone’s expectations but my own.

Overheard In A Cafe: 'Now That She's 70, She'll Have To Be Nice'

Years and another age bracket later, Barbara Beckwith is still bothered by a comment about an older woman. (tanya petrova/flickr)

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Life

Dad barely glanced at the precious packet [of letters] before tossing it into the flames, singeing our hearts, we three daughters of divorce.

Despite... inklings of their marriage’s downfall, our parents’ letters make clear that we were not the cause.

In A Trove Of Their Divorced Parents' Letters, 3 Adult Daughters Find Solace

Barbara Beckwith: "Their letters give us what we’d yearned for: reassurance that they both fully loved us, and once fully loved each other." (Soul Photography/flickr)

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family

The man I married is Jewish but doesn’t worry about anti-Semitism. He just gets on with his life.

The author and her husband, Jon, pictured in France in the 1960s. (Courtesy)

My English features ... allow me to experience coded slurs that my fellow non-Jews drop in my presence.

It’s My Job, Not His, To Counter Anti-Semitic Stereotypes

Barbara Beckwith: I find myself researching every invidious generalization about Jews, and lining up mini-lecture ripostes as if prepping for a college debate team. Jon remains indifferent... (stimpsonjake/flickr)

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Religion

...I failed to notice that my mindless gaze was making anyone who happened to be at the end of my visual trajectory squirm like a pinned insect.

...direct eye contact can feel like a basic right: an assertion of autonomy, of self-respect.

What Is Behind The Power Of A Stare?

A brief cultural history of the gaze. (ed_needs_a_bicycle/flickr)

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Are we all so in love with rags-to-riches narratives that we turn our forebears into archetypes? And what happens when, inevitably, they fall to earth?

The Stories We Tell Ourselves About The People Who Came Before Us

I loved my family stories, with their satisfying mix of hard work and sacrifice, and their silver-lined endings... Until, that is, I discovered that my family lore was largely fiction.


I’m at last able -- and willing -- to realize that my relatives were complex and contradictory.

Barbara Beckwith:  Are we all so in love with rags-to-riches narratives that we turn our forebears into archetypes? And what happens when, inevitably, they fall to earth? (evaekeblad/flickr)

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...participants often express despair over the persistence of racism and the prospects for ending it.

I’ll take heart, not in 'we shall overcome' optimism, but in James Baldwin’s more realistic maxim: 'Not everything that is faced can be changed; but nothing can be changed until it is faced.'

Legacy And Lessons From Ferguson

Is Racism Too Entrenched To Be Defeated?

Barbara Beckwith on the challenge of taking action toward a goal that may never be reached. In this photograph, a man holds his hands up in the street after a standoff with police Monday, Aug. 18, 2014, during a protest for Michael Brown, who was killed by a police officer Aug. 9 in Ferguson, Mo. (Charlie Riedel/AP)


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Media

race

At home, we were a family of females – my mother and three girls – plus my dad, who kept his clothes on. Well, I once walked in on him in the bathroom but speedily backed out and blocked out -- the equivalent of the Victorian faint...

I would have been shocked at the idea that... in the feminist ‘70s, women would gather with specula and mirrors to examine and celebrate 'our bodies, ourselves.'

The Age Of Innocence: When I Didn't Know What I Didn't Know About Sex

Barbara Beckwith: "Necking in high school gave me clues, like that boys break into a sweat and squirm mightily after a few minutes of kissing." (Vlasta Juricek/flickr)

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Health

...that’s what it felt like: ants, the red biting kind, sneaking under my blouse and marching across my chest, taking bites out of me at each step.

'This is a hot flash,' I declared, pointing to my cheeks. 'I’m not angry. I’m not sick. I’m not drunk. And I’m not about to cry.'

Getting Warmer: When Menopause Came For Me

Barbara Beckwith: "My cheeks would swell, my skin turn slippery, and I’d find myself suddenly annoyed with whoever I was with at the time." (bunky's pickle/flickr)

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One thing I've re-learned, too late in my life to do anything about, is that sunbathing is bad for pale skin.


You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone

Without my angel’s mark, I’m aware that I appear more serious than I feel, which leads me to counter my somber look with excessive smiles and wry asides.

…now I realize that, all along, I did think I was cute, and that what made me cute was that mid-face groove in my upper lip, a groove now gone.

You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone

Barbara Beckwith: "One thing I've re-learned, too late in my life to do anything about, is that sunbathing is bad for pale skin." (hebe/Flickr)