Reporter's notebook: Starting a child on puberty blockers during intense state and national debates

Editor's Note: This is an excerpt from WBUR's weekly health newsletter, CommonHealth. If you like what you read and want it in your inbox, sign up here. 

Over the last few months, I’ve been following the family of an 8-year-old who is transgender. The parents decided to put the child, Emily, on puberty suppression drugs to give them time to mature, and see if they change their mind about their gender identity.

Grappling with medical choices for a child is often difficult, but for this family, it's happening as the Republican-controlled legislature in New Hampshire, where they live, not to mention the president of the United States, push to ban gender-affirming care for transgender children and teens. President Trump even went so far as to call it “mutilation.”

At the same time, I was struck by how many of the questions and dilemmas this family faces seem like they could apply to many of us.

How much can we control how our children develop, think and act?

When should we follow a child’s lead as opposed to guiding or directing their choices?

If they join a group or pursue a passion we don’t like, how do we respond?

When do we start trusting our children to know who they are?

The mom in this story, Rosie, talked about having to unlearn the idea that children are clearly boys or girls, and realize how entrenched that assumption is in our daily lives. She said she understands that seeing someone who is transgender in a bathroom or other shared space might be uncomfortable for some people.

“But I think we all have a responsibility to ask ourselves, ‘Why am I uncomfortable and is that based in any truth?’ ” Rosie said. “What’s the data that says I should be afraid?”

There are many Americans who believe it’s wrong to live with an identity that doesn’t match your combination of X and Y chromosomes. But Rosie’s questions may help explain why transgender Americans, who make up less than 1% of the population, are so often at the red hot center of our political debates. The fear or discomfort in the air makes it hard to have calm, nuanced, honest conversations.

It took a long time to find a family willing to share the story of starting a child on puberty blockers. Some would only text me on an encrypted channel. Others said they could talk, but were uncomfortable sharing any identifying details. In a few cases, one parent was willing but another was not. I get it. These are scary times for families trying to protect transgender children.

The story I filed may fuel as much hate as curiosity and understanding. The parents, Rosie and Ian, are hoping you will take the time to hear them out. You can find the full story here.

P.S.— The staff at CommonHealth will take a break next week to mark Memorial Day. We’ll be back in your inbox June 3.