Before Donald Trump's truly bizarre campaign comes to a close, here's one last chance to test your knowledge of what happened. Every correct answer is worth 5 points. The correct answers are at the end.
1. Which religious leader criticized Trump’s wall?
a. [ ] Pope Francis
b. [ ] Dalai Lama
c. [ ] Fr. Guido Sarducci
2. Where are Trump’s suits and ties made?
a.[ ] Sweat shop in basement at Mar-a-Lago
b.[ ] In Kellyanne Conway’s winter home in Transylvania
c.[ ] Bangladesh and China
3.Who is Jack Mitnick?
a.[ ] Trump’s tailor
b.[ ] Trump’s doctor
c.[ ] Trump’s lawyer
d.[ ] Trump’s accountant
4. Who is Pam Bondi?
a. [ ] Married woman Trump hit on while golfing
b. [ ] Woman who once molested Trump
c. [ ] Attorney general of Florida
5. Who is Serge F. Kovaleski?
a. [ ] Russian scientist who invented adhesive for Trump’s hair
b. [ ] Owner of New Jersey Nets, team Trump rumored to be trying to buy
c. [ ] Reporter for New York Times whose disability Trump mocked
6. Who is Tony Schwartz?
a. [ ] A power comparable to The Force in Mel Brooks’ "Space Balls" movie
b. [ ] Co-author of the book "Art of the Deal," who now hopes Trump loses
c. [ ] Trump’s tailor who still hasn't been paid
7. Where did Corey Lewandowski get his start in politics?
a. [ ] Honor student with Junior Gestapo Corps
b. [ ] As John Silber’s body guard
c. [ ] Losing state representative race in Lowell, Mass.
8. Who is Jeffrey Epstein?
a. [ ] Character on “Welcome Back, Kotter” TV show who forged absence notes signed “Epstein’s Mother”
b. [ ] Billionaire co-defendant in child rape case in which Trump was named
c. [ ] Puerto Rican-Jewish comic who entertains at Trump rallies
9. Who is David Fahrenthold?
a. [ ] Inventor of thermometer
b. [ ] Designer of car that is trying to compete with Volkswagen
c. [ ] Reporter who has single-handedly uncovered non-existent and improper Trump Foundation gifts
10. Who did Kellyanne Conway work for before Trump?
a. [ ] Newt Gingrich
b. [ ] Dan Quayle
c. [ ] National Rifle Association
d. [ ] Michele Bachmann
e. [ ] Todd Akin, 2012 Missouri senate candidate who referred to “legitimate rape”
f. [ ] All of above
11. Who is John Baron or John Miller?
a. [ ] Donald Trump
b. [ ] Donald Trump
c. [ ] A mysterious Trump press aide
12. Who is "Miss Piggy" to Trump?
a. [ ] A Venezuelan actress, TV host, and beauty queen
b. [ ] An overweight waitress working at Trump Tower Grill
c. [ ] The wife of a friend who turned down Trump advances
Bonus question, worth 10 points
13. Which newspaper urged a Trump’s victory on its front page?
a. [ ] The National Enquirer
b. [ ] The Crusader, a KKK publication
c. [ ] The New York Observer, owned by Trump’s son-in-law
1. a. Pope Francis. when asked about Donald Trump’s plan to build a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, said Trump "is not Christian"
2. c. David Letterman held up Trump-brand shirts and ties and asked Trump where they were made. Reading the labels, Letterman announced: China for one, Bangladesh the other.
3. d. Trump claimed, “I understand the tax laws better than almost anyone.” Trump's accountant, Jack Mitnick, countered, “I did all the tax preparation.” Trump had no part other than signing the returns.
4. c. Donald Trump was fined by IRS for failing to disclose an illegal $25,000 contribution in 2013 to a political group tied to Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi. She was deciding whether to open a fraud investigation against Trump University. She didn't. Federal rules prohibit charities from giving to political candidates.
5. c. Trump, without any evidence, asserted on 9/11 attacks that he saw "thousands and thousands of New Jersey muslims" cheering as the twin towers fell. When New York Times reporter Serge Kovaleski investigated, he found no evidence to support Trump's claim. Trump then mocked Kovaleski’s disability —a joint impairment which visibly limits the functioning of his joints.
6. b. Tony Schwartz co-wrote "The Art of the Deal," Trump’s memoir. “I put lipstick on a pig,” he said. “I feel a deep sense of remorse [for] presenting Trump in a way that brought him wider attention and made him more appealing than he is.” He offered tips to Hillary Clinton’s debate team, to prevent Trump "from getting the nuclear codes."
7. c. Lewandowski, one-time Trump campaign manager and heavy-handed aide, in the 1990s ran for an open state representative seat in Lowell and lost to Tom Golden, who still holds the seat.
8. b. A federal judge in New York has ordered lawyers for Donald Trump and his friend, disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein, to answer charges by a woman that Trump raped her when she was only 13. The case will be heard December 16, 2016.
9. c. Diligently poring over records of over 400 charities over a dozen years, the Washington Post's David Fahrenthold could not find a single Trump Foundation or personal contribution. He did discover improper Trump Foundation spending — on a 6-foot portrait of himself, a luxurious trip to an Italian winery, and football gear once owned by Tim Tebow. Trump's refusal to disclose his tax returns keeps his charitable giving a secret.
10. f. Conway’s past clients have included Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign, Far Right Reps. Steve King and Michele Bachmann, and the National Rifle Association. Her GOP client Todd Akin lost a Senate race in 2012 when he infamously said, “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
11. a, b. & c. In the 1970s, '80s, and '90s, Trump would call news organizations using the name “John Miller” or “John Barron,” so-called public relations men who sounded exactly like Trump. He would name female celebrities who wanted to have sex with him. Reporters and several top Trump aides confirmed the practice.
12. a. Now an actress at age 39, Alicia Machado won the Miss Universe pageant in 1996. After she gained weight, Trump attacked her as “Miss Piggy” and also called her “Miss Housekeeping” to mock her Latin ethnicity. Machado said, “It really is a reflection of how he feels about Latinos."
13. b. Blazoning Trump’s slogan, “Make America Great Again” across its entire front page, The Crusader, an official newspaper of the Ku Klux Klan, embraced Trump’s cause. While technically not an endorsement, the paper bills itself as The Premiere Voice of the White Resistance. Meanwhile, The New York Observer, owned by Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law, will not endorse anyone for president, including Trump
- 40 points or more: You should do political commentary
- 35-40 points: You watch too much cable TV
- 25-30 points: You need a hobby
- 15-25 points: You must buy a lot on home shopping shows
- 0-15 points: Why did you bother taking this test?