From the Massachusetts Tiny Desk: Eph See embraces imperfection

There were nearly 250 entries from Massachusetts to this year's NPR Tiny Desk Contest. Five panelists — Alisa Amador, Noble, Scarlet Keys, Victoria Wasylak and Amelia Mason — were tasked with choosing a favorite. But it's hard to pick just one. So as we prepare to reveal the panel's top choice, we're highlighting entries that left an impact.

Sometimes, the pressure to finish a song makes it impossible to do so.

For Eph See, 24, “headfirst” was one of those songs. They wrote the first few verses in their final year of college, staring down the barrel of impending adulthood. A year had passed since the release of their 2021 EP, “G*rlhood,” which garnered a bit of local buzz. (The strength of that debut prompted me to profile Eph for our Sound On series on rising local musicians.) Needless to say, they were feeling some stress.

“I was writing about this pressure that I feel to have the career take off and stuff, and just kind of wanting to already be in the place that I have convinced myself success is,” Eph told me.

Hence the opening lines: “Headfirst sink into the sound/ Rushing to make something of myself/ Or I might die/ 'Fore I’ve had time.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, that very anxiety made it difficult to be creative. Eph put “headfirst” down. When they finally picked it up again — this past winter, while they were an artist-in-residence at the Inly School in Scituate for five months — they were in a much more fruitful mindset. And that changed the song. 

“I was in love at the time, and was like, ‘Oh, life can be this big, amazing, wonderful thing,’” Eph said. “I was also being out in nature. I was touching that part of me that’s super curious, again. That childlike part that just wants to explore.”

The result is a song that’s at once sweet and sour, yearning yet hopeful. In their submission for the 2024 Tiny Desk Contest, Eph sits in the center of the frame, flanked by collaborators Corinna Parish and Stacy Abonce, who provide a soft bed of strummed guitar and ethereal vocal harmonies.

“Headfirst” is a patient song; it’s meditative, melancholy. Then it reaches the pre-chorus, the chords start changing more quickly, and Eph sings: “But I’m yearning for something soft/ To treat me right and get me off.” All those soft edges sharpen, briefly, in a moment of urgency and clarity.

For Local Tiny Desk Contest panelist Alisa Amador, “headfirst” checked all the boxes.

“I've been sharing Eph See's ‘headfirst’ with everyone I can,” Amador told me in an email. “This song contains the entirety of life — all of the messiness, longing, silver linings, and pain of living, all wrapped into a gentle, clear and driving melody.”

“The lyrics are frank, beautiful, and brilliant,” she added. “The final words are: ‘Can you feel it now? There's a room in your chest from the breaking.’ Yes, Eph, I can feel it now. I'm so grateful this song exists.”

For Eph See, touching someone in this way is the whole point of making music. That’s what they try to focus on now, instead of obsessing over success or reaching certain career milestones. Paradoxically, this mindset has allowed the songwriter to be more productive than ever. They wrote an entire album during their residency in Scituate, which they’re in the midst of recording. Before they release it, they plan to put out a demo tape — a collection of recordings that aren’t quite refined enough for the album. (The first single drops Oct. 4.)

“I want to share them with the world and also do a little exposure therapy,” Eph said. “Not having to have everything be this perfectly packaged and polished thing in order for it to be worthy of being seen and heard.”