The rogue ref has surrendered
And for those he had befriended
If there are some, there are heavy days to come.
Tim Donaghy, who based his call
On how the bets he'd made would fall
Might be remembered as a lonely bum...
So hopes the old commissioner,
Who's told each eager listener
That Donaghy was acting on his own.
It may be true. I wouldn't know,
I never met him. I can't go
And blame him for the bets I might have blown
Had I made bets...In other news,
A Rutgers player goes and sues
Don Imus for the witless things he said.
She claims her reputation's shot --
He called her something that she's not -
But let's consider if that really led
To damage worthy of a suit.
This player, who's of high repute,
Will doubtless have an admirable life...
While Imus, who's pathetic, sad...
Once funny, now just mostly bad,
Could only cause the Rutgers players strife
If anyone believed that he
Was worth the listening. Could it be
That being sued enhances dull Don's life?
And speaking of the realm of court,
It's weird and painful to report
That Jose Offerman, once of the Mets,
Now playing in the minors, whacked
Another player with a bat
Which is, perhaps, as bad as baseball gets.
Ah, gambling, insults, courts of law,
Assault and melees, if you saw
Our games as light distractions from our woe,
Perhaps it's time to think again,
Again. It is a trial, friend,
And I suppose by now we all should know
That in a world as full as this
Of idiots, things gone amiss,
As well as greed and violence of all sorts,
We can't expect a cleaner slate
And news that's only good or great
When, desperate for diversion, we watch sports.
This program aired on August 16, 2007. The audio for this program is not available.