“Don’t hate me!” I’ll begin with that request … that heartfelt plea.
I know you hate the Patriots. Don’t take it out on me.
Antipathy for those who win, and win, and win some more
Is not the least bit puzzling. Hey, I get it. Sure, you’re sore.
Your football team works hard, I know, endures the standard stress,
And then falls short of glory. I don’t really have to guess
Why you resent a team that’s in the Super Bowl each year …
A team that wins it, too, I get it. Still, you needn’t sneer
At me. I’m not among the fans who gloat when they prevail.
I never blame officials for the rare times that they fail.
I haven’t bought pajamas from Tom Brady, though I’m sure
That I would sleep more soundly and wake up completely pure,
And full of energetic ions or whatever he’s
Promoting. I drink water, sure, but listen, buddy, please…
I still use sun block. I’m not dumb. Heck, long ago I learned
That if you don’t use sun block in the sun, man, you get burned!
Beyond all that, I know that football’s just another game,
And if New England loses, I’ll wake up about the same
As I was when I went to bed, and I will go about
My business. I will neither rail, nor mope, nor weep, nor pout.
See, I have lived here in New England since the Pats were bad …
Inclined to make fools of themselves in ways supremely sad.
The Pats of yore would mostly lose. They were a nomad team.
They played in college stadiums, and though it’s sure to seem
Quite odd, they played in Fenway Park. Oh, they’d play anywhere …
And lots of people in New England didn’t really care.
Since Belichick and Brady changed all that to happy days,
The fans of teams across the land have all discovered ways
To tell the world they hate the Pats and all that they embody …
And that’s OK with me, I guess, although I think it’s shoddy
If they include a guy like me when they curse, scream, and shout.
So hate the Pats, if hate you must, but kindly leave me out.
This segment aired on January 25, 2018. The audio for this segment is not available.