'I know how you feel': Teams provide support after suicide loss

When someone loses a loved one to suicide, they often feel isolated in their grief. And they typically wait a long time to seek help and support, putting them at greater risk for anxiety and depression themselves.

But research has found suicide loss survivors reach out for help much sooner if they experience intervention immediately or soon after their loved one's death.

Special teams of volunteers offer that early support. They're known as LOSS teams, which stands for Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors, and are led by people who have lost someone to suicide.

The number of teams in Massachusetts is growing. Samaritans in Boston started a LOSS team this year (covering towns in Norfolk County; there's another team in Boston), bringing the total to five.

The longest running team, LOSSteam MetroWest, has responded to 55 suicides this year — up from 35 all of 2024.

Sissi O'Shaughnessy, senior director of suicide grief support services at Samaritans, and Barb Brunzell, founder and team leader of LOSSteam MetroWest, joined WBUR's All Things Considered to talk about about life after suicide loss and why early intervention is so important. Their answers have been lightly edited for clarity.

Brunzell on the suicide death of her older brother Dan in 1980, when she was 13:

Brunzell: "My family was absolutely blindsided by this loss. Dan was a senior in high school, had just been accepted to Cornell University for an engineering degree. We had no idea that he was struggling, and we had no resources.

"When my brother died, my mom was home, and I was at my friend's house. She called me and said that Dan had left a suicide note, and that I should come home. So when I got home, I sat on my bed and I did some math homework, because I could not figure out what else to do. In hindsight I thought, 'Wow, why was I sitting there doing homework?' But it was the only way for me to control a completely chaotic situation, in my mind. And again, I was 13 at the time.

"So then I heard a ring at the door, and a police officer showed up and told my mom that they had found her son and that he was dead. And then they left, and we were left to navigate that loss on our own."

On whether her family sought any kind of therapy or group support:

Brunzell: "We did not. We had no support whatsoever. We were members of a church, and I think perhaps my parents felt some support from church members. But my siblings and I, we went through the memorial services surrounded by friends and family at that time, and then nothing. We just kind of went back to life."

O'Shaughnessy on the 2020 loss of her husband Mark:

O'Shaughnessy: "What comes after a suicide loss, when it's unexpected like that, is just a realm of emotions that you have no idea how to navigate. There's shame, there's guilt, there's questions of, 'What if I would've called him in that moment? What if I knew what I know now? Maybe would he still be alive?'

"I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what kind of support I needed. I didn't understand that the feelings that I was feeling were normal. I didn't know how to talk to my girls about it. So I struggled with questions for that first year.

"And navigating all of those questions, searching for answers, I found Samaritans as a community of people that had experienced the same type of loss, that got it, that said, 'Oh, I know how you feel,' and I was able to see myself in them, too."

On how LOSSteam MetroWest, which launched in 2017, partners with police departments in 53 towns:

Brunzell: "One of our police departments will call me up and let me know that there has been a suicide. And if the family is open to a visit, [the police] will ask us to please come to the scene or to a family notification.

"We have two volunteers who are ready to go. They will meet near the scene — not at the scene — to discuss any information that we've gotten from first responders about the situation so that we don't have to go in there and ask questions. Then we go in, and we are there for the survivors to sit with them. We do not give advice. We do not judge. We listen. And we are just present for them, and we meet them where they are in their grief."

O'Shaughnessy: "Being able to sit with someone and say, 'I don't have all the answers, but I know that you don't have to go through this alone. I've been there. I know how hard it is.' I think that's a big part of what we do and why it's so impactful is just saying, 'I'm not afraid of your pain. I've been there, and I'm not leaving you.' "

On the resources they leave with survivors, more than half of whom agree to talk with LOSSteam MetroWest within one week of their loss:

Brunzell: "We do have a binder of resources, but most times people are not sitting with us and and looking through that binder at that moment, because they're in complete shock, overwhelm. So we like to have it for them so that when they are ready — if that's a day later, a week later, a month later — they have that information to go through."

What Dr. Frank Campbell, who founded the first LOSS team in Louisiana in 1998, discovered in his research:

Brunzell: "Research shows that if a family has an immediate visit after their loss, they will reach out in under 45 days for help, versus four-and-a-half years without immediate intervention. I waited 30 years before I got help.

"It's incredible how powerful it is to reach these people right away after their loss. And they have spoken to all of us on the team who have lost someone. They can see that we're showered, that we can say our loved one's name, that we can say the word suicide, and they feel heard and seen and understood. And even though they are dealing with such a devastating situation,  they do know that it's possible. We give them the 'installation of hope,' is what Frank Campbell often talks about. And there is an immediate connection that happens between loss survivors."

On the unhealthy responses to suicide loss that can be mitigated by early intervention and support:

O'Shaughnessy: "We know suicide loss survivors are at an increased risk of anxiety, depression and suicide ideation themselves. They're three times more likely to have an attempt. We see a lot of family contagion. And so that's why this work is so incredibly important, because it normalizes the feelings that the individual is having, and they don't feel so alone in their pain and in their sadness, which contributes to that anxiety and that depression."

Resources: Anyone in a mental health crisis or concerned about someone they know who may be suicidal can call or text the suicide and crisis lifeline at 988.

Both LOSSteam MetroWest, which is a service of Call2Talk, and Samaritans offer ongoing support for people who've lost someone to suicide. They're holding events Saturday for International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day.