Whatever You Like | Ep. 303

There’s this really great saying:

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”

Do you get it? Time flies like an arrow… because it moves so fast. But fruit flies like a banana…because they really enjoy eating bananas!

Words can be tricky; sometimes they’re as slippery as a banana peel. And as we’ll hear in today’s tale, if you don’t weigh your words they can easily be twisted!

Our story is called “Whatever You Like.” We found versions of this tale from Jewish and Indian lore.

This episode was the second of two recorded live at Symphony Hall in Boston, Massachusetts. Joining host Rebecca Sheir on stage was a star-studded cast of actors: Mary Faber, Josh Gondelman, Lamont Price and Jessica Rau.

Providing musical accompaniment, under the direction of composer Eric Shimelonis, was a world-class ensemble from the Boston Symphony Orchestra: Cathy Basrak on viola, Rachel Childers on horn, Christopher Elchico on clarinet, Clint Foreman on flute, Ben Levy on double bass and Suzanne Nelsen on bassoon.

Special thanks to everyone at the BSO, including Chad Smith, Tony Fogg, Mark Rulison, Angie DeSocio, James Campbell, Dana Filloon, Jason Leonhard, Stephen Ponchak, Amy Aldrich, Jason Lyon and Callie Carmosino.

​​This episode was adapted for Circle Round by Rebecca Sheir. It was edited by Dean Russell. Original music and sound design is by Eric Shimelonis. Our artist is Sabina Hahn.

GROWN-UPS! PRINT THIS so everyone can color while listening. We’re also keeping an album so please share your picture on Facebook and Instagram, and tag it with #CircleRoundPodcast. To access all the coloring pages for past episodes click HERE. Our resident artist is Sabina Hahn and you can learn more about her HERE.

Now It’s Your Turn

There are many ways to play with words. And one of our personal favorites… is puns! A pun creates humor using a word or phrase with multiple meanings, or using similar-sounding words.

Find a grown-up and start brainstorming jokes with a question and answer that involve puns. For instance:

Why did the bike take a nap? It was two (too) tired.

Why wouldn't the shrimp share its toys? Because it was a little shellfish.

Come up with a punny joke of your own, then share it with us!

Grown-ups: email your Circle Round fan’s joke to circleround@wbur.org. With your permission, we may feature it in our Circle Round newsletter, “The Lion’s Roar”! If you haven’t yet signed up for this monthly email full of sneak previews, peeks behind-the-scenes and more, click here!

Script:

NARRATOR: Sima lived in a cozy cottage with her younger brother, Avi. The cottage belonged to Sima and Avi’s father… but Father didn’t spend much time at home. As a merchant who did all of his business overseas, he was always buying and selling exotic goods in far-away lands.

While Father was away, Sima took care of Avi… and it wasn’t always easy.

SIMA: Avi! Time to go to bed!

AVI: No!

SIMA: Can you at least brush your teeth?

AVI: No!

SIMA: How about put on your pajamas?

AVI: No!

SIMA: Okay… Then how about NOT going to bed or brushing your teeth or putting on your pajamas?

AVI: I don’t want to!

SIMA: Oh! You don’t want to NOT go to bed, or brush your teeth, or put on your pajamas? In that case, since you don’t want to NOT do any of those things… then you WILL!

AVI: What? (beat) Wait! You used your words to trick me!

NARRATOR: One year, Father had to leave his children for many, many months. Before he boarded his ship across the ocean he promised he would support his kids by sending home money whenever he could.

Now mind you: our story takes place long before computers were a thing… and you could send money with nothing more than an internet connection and the press of a button – AND perhaps a two-factor verification or one of those picture thingies where you have to click certain images to prove you’re not a robot?

SIMA: To prove you’re not a what???

AVI: What are you talking about?

NARRATOR: Ya know what? It’s not important. The point is… back when our story takes place, you had to gather actual money – physical money – get it all packaged up, then send it across the ocean on a boat!

Well, the year of Father’s big journey, the seas were unusually rough. Very few ships could make the crossing through the stormy waters. So back at home, Sima and Avi’s cozy cottage was growing less cozy by the day. Food and money were dwindling… and worries were growing.

SIMA: Avi. Until we finally receive money from Father, we’re going to have to tighten our belts.

AVI: Ugh! I hate wearing belts! They make my belly hurt!

SIMA: What I mean is, we’re going to have to cut back on the money we spend! How do you feel about cold cereal for dinner?

AVI: (excited) Ooooo! Will you let me have some Cavity Crunch? 

SIMA: No!

AVI: How about Sugar Rush Crisp?

SIMA: No!

AVI: Count Calorie?

SIMA: No!

AVI: Okay… then how about if you DON’T let me have Cavity Crunch or Sugar Rush Crisp or Count Calorie?

SIMA: No!

AVI: Oh! You don’t want to NOT let me have those cereals? In that case, grab me a bowl!

SIMA: What? (beat) Wait! You used your words to trick me!

NARRATOR: Life for Sima and Avi was getting tougher and tougher. Then one day, they received a visit… from a sea captain.

CAPTAIN: Greetings, children! I… am a sea captain!

NARRATOR: The sea captain wore tall shiny boots and an official-looking coat. She told the children she had brought something from their father.

CAPTAIN: Children? I have brought something from your father!

NARRATOR: The siblings looked on eagerly as the captain presented a wooden box…

CAPTAIN: Behold this wooden box!

NARRATOR: …filled with one-hundred silver coins!

CAPTAIN: It is filled with one-hundred silver coins!

AVI: Um, is there an echo in here?

CAPTAIN: No! There’s COINS in here! I just told you that!

AVI: (eye roll) Right.

NARRATOR: The siblings were grateful to finally receive money from Father. They held their hands out with anticipation, so the captain could give them the box.

And she DID give them the box… but only after reaching inside, scooping out the one-hundred-silver coins, and stuffing them into her pockets!

So the box she gave them… was empty.

SIMA: Hang on! What do you think you’re doing?

AVI: Yeah! Why are you giving us an empty box and keeping all the coins for yourself?

NARRATOR: The sea captain smirked.

CAPTAIN: It just so happens that I am within my rights to keep the one-hundred silver coins and give you the empty box. (beat) This letter explains everything.

NARRATOR: She handed Sima a folded-up piece of paper.

SIMA: Oh my! This letter is from Father!

AVI: (gasp!) What does he say?

SIMA: He says: (reading) “I am writing this letter to confirm the following. The sea captain hereby agrees to transport this box of one-hundred silver coins across the sea. She will bring the box to my children, Sima and Avi. She will give my children whatever she likes. As a reward for her troubles, she may keep the rest for herself.”

CAPTAIN: You see? Your father instructed me to give you whatever I like. And what I would like is to give you is this BOX. The COINS I shall keep for myself. After all, do you think schlepping this money across the vast and deadly sea was a cakewalk?

AVI: What does cake have to do with anything?

CAPTAIN: (calling back to the Narrator’s earlier line) I mean, it isn’t like I could send the money with nothing more than an internet connection and the press of a button! And perhaps a two-factor verification or one of those picture thingies where you have to click certain images to prove you’re not a robot!

SIMA: Okay, what IS this robot thing?

AVI: And what is a two-factor VACATION?

CAPTAIN: The point is, I went through a lot of trouble bringing this box here. So I am keeping the coins. And if you don’t like what I’m doing, what are you going to do? (snide) Take me to court?

NARRATOR: Sima and Avi shared an anxious look. The last thing they expected during Father’s absence was to stand before a judge! But what other option did they have?

SIMA: (shaky in confidence) Sure! Yes! We’ll take you to court! (beat) Right now!

CAPTAIN: Fine! (darkly) Let’s go.

NARRATOR: On the way to the courthouse, thoughts spun through Sima and Avi’s minds like a tornado. What would happen when they faced the judge? Would he side with a couple of kids, or a fancy sea captain?

The siblings had no way of knowing. All they could do was hope for the best… and brace themselves for the worst!

What do you think will happen when Sima and Avi meet the judge?

We’ll hear how our story unfolds… after a quick break.

[BREAK]

NARRATOR: I’m Rebecca Sheir and welcome back to Circle Round Live at Symphony Hall in Boston, Massachusetts! Today our story is called “Whatever You Like.”

Before the break, Sima and Avi were headed to court. Their father, a traveling merchant, had sent a sea captain with a box of one-hundred silver coins. But instead of giving the siblings the coins, she just gave them the box! And kept the coins for herself!

The captain claimed she was within her rights, because of a letter the merchant wrote. She gave the letter to the judge, who read it aloud from his seat at the bench.

JUDGE: (clears throat before reading) “I am writing this letter to confirm the following. The sea captain hereby agrees to transport this box of one-hundred silver coins across the sea. She will bring the box to my children, Sima and Avi. She will give my children whatever she likes. As a reward for her troubles, she may keep the rest for herself.”

NARRATOR: The judge put down the letter and turned toward the captain.

JUDGE: Captain. Do you solemnly swear that this letter was written by the merchant? Sima and Avi’s father?

CAPTAIN: Of course, Your Honor!

JUDGE: And Sima. Avi. Do you recognize the handwriting? Is it truly your father’s?

SIMA: It is, Your Honor.

AVI: We would know those chicken scratches anywhere!

JUDGE: Very well. (beat) Captain? Let’s return to you. If I have my story straight… when you visited Sima and Avi’s cottage, you were carrying the merchant’s box, filled with one-hundred silver coins. Is that correct?

CAPTAIN: That is correct, Your Honor.

JUDGE: And you proceeded to keep the one-hundred silver coins… and give Sima and Avi just the box?

CAPTAIN: Yes! After all, I was to give the children whatever I like! And what I would LIKE is to give them the empty box! So I did nothing wrong. (beat) Look at the merchant’s letter, Your Honor! The proof is right there in black and white!

NARRATOR: Sima stole a glance at Avi. Tears filled his eyes and he was wiping his nose with a handkerchief. Clearly he was about to cry. Sima felt like she was, too.

SIMA: (near tears, holding them back) Your Honor! If I may interject… My brother and I know that our father is a brilliant and generous man! There is no way he would allow the captain to cheat us like this!

CAPTAIN: I’m not “cheating” anyone! I am simply following the merchant’s instructions! (beat) Your Honor? Would you read his letter again?

JUDGE: I’m supposed to be the one asking the questions! …But yes. I will read the merchant’s letter again. (clears throat before reading) “I am writing this letter to confirm the following. The sea captain hereby agrees to transport this box of one-hundred silver coins across the sea. She will bring the box to my children, Sima and Avi. She will give my children whatever she likes. As a reward for her troubles, she may keep the rest for herself.”

CAPTAIN: You see? I’ve done nothing wrong! (beat) And now I’m rich!

NARRATOR: Sima’s urge to cry was becoming an urge to scream. She took a breath to center herself.

SIMA: Your Honor? May I please have one more look at my father’s letter?

NARRATOR: The judge nodded and handed Sima the letter. She read it to herself, slowly and silently.

Then, she read it again. …And again. …And again.

And after her fifth time poring over her father’s words, she felt a jolt crackle through her mind, like a light had switched on in her head.

SIMA: (a-ha moment; hatching a plan) Your Honor! I know you’re the one who’s supposed to ask questions of the defendant. But may I address the captain personally? Please?

JUDGE: I’ll allow it.

SIMA: Thank you. (beat) Captain? I want to make sure things are crystal-clear. When you were given the box of one hundred coins, you decided pretty quickly that you liked those coins. Yes?

CAPTAIN: (annoyed) Duh! Who wouldn’t like one hundred silver coins?

SIMA: And… did you LIKE the BOX?

CAPTAIN: Not especially! It was old and scratched and battered.

SIMA: Uh-huh. (beat) You know what? I think we should make things official. We need to write this down. (beat) Your Honor! Do you have a pen I could borrow?

JUDGE: (not sure where this is going) Uhhh… You can use this fountain pen.

SIMA: Thank you. (beat) And Avi? Would you mind handing me your handkerchief?

NARRATOR: Avi gave his nose a wipe.

AVI: It’s kind of wet… and slimy… but sure! Here you go!

SIMA: Thanks! (beat) Now! Captain. Using this pen to write with – and this hankie to write ON – can you please record what you just told us? That you LIKED the one-hundred silver coins…but you did NOT like the box?

NARRATOR: The captain rolled her eyes, then snatched the pen and hankie and began to write.

CAPTAIN: (as she writes) (annoyed) “I… LIKED… the one-hundred silver coins. …I… did NOT like… the box. ”

SIMA: Now sign your name to make it official.

NARRATOR: The captain scribbled her signature.

SIMA: Thank you! (beat) Now… give me and my brother the one-hundred silver coins.

NARRATOR: The captain smacked a hand to her forehead.

CAPTAIN: Are you a nincompoop??? I would like the one-hundred silver coins! I just wrote it down!

SIMA: I know you did! And that’s why you must give the coins to US. To quote, well, YOU: ‘The proof is right there in black and white’!

NARRATOR: The captain spun toward the judge.

CAPTAIN: Your Honor! I have no idea what the merchant’s daughter is talking about! She is spouting nonsense AND completely out of order! You should throw this silly girl out of your court!

NARRATOR: The captain expected the justice to agree and send Sima packing. But instead…?

JUDGE: Actually, Captain…? “This silly girl” is neither “silly” nor “out of order”! It took me a while to catch on… but if anyone is “out of order”... it’s YOU.

CAPTAIN: I don’t understand!

JUDGE: Then please. Allow me to enlighten you.

NARRATOR: The judge gave Sima a wink, then turned back to the captain.

JUDGE: Captain! The merchant’s letter stated, and I quote: the sea captain “will give my children whatever she likes” and “keep the rest for herself.” (beat) Clearly, you“liked” the one-hundred silver coins! You said so yourself! You WROTE it too! Therefore, the one-hundred silver coins  – which you LIKED so very much – are rightfully THE CHILDREN’S. And the box… which you didn’t like… is rightfully YOURS.

CAPTAIN: What? (beat) Wait! You used your words to trick me!

AVI: Did we though?

NARRATOR: Avi was no longer crying. He was beaming!

AVI: Because I think YOU used our FATHER’S words to TRY and trick US!

NARRATOR: The captain froze. She opened her mouth to say something… anything… but nothing came out. After trying so hard to twist the merchant’s words, she found herself at a LOSS for words!

Well, now that the siblings rightfully had their one-hundred silver coins, they happily went back home… where they found a letter waiting.

SIMA: Avi! This letter is from Father! (paraphrasing as she reads) He says that the seas have finally calmed, so he’s coming home on the next boat! And since he’s so sick and tired of missing his amazing children… (gasp!) he’s staying home! For good!

NARRATOR: Sima and Avi shared a grin. Then they shared a hug. Because the idea of finally being together as a family wasn’t just something the two siblings LIKED.

It was something they LOVED.