Maybe making resolutions is a bit like praying

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I spent the new year with friends in Maine. Affixed to the wall near their kitchen table is a black chalkboard, on which guests are invited to sign their names, draw a picture or leave words of wisdom. My husband left an inscrutable (to me) math equation. My daughter doodled a tree. I wrote a Mary Oliver quote. In the top right corner of the board, below the underlined words “2025 resolutions,” my friend had written “learn to sew” in her neat script.

Whether you love resolutions or hate them, the blank slate of a new year invites all manner of dreams, plans and aspirations. I have one friend who intends to do some yoga every day in 2025. Another friend wants to be more conscious of saying “thank you” to the people in his life.

Over dinner on New Year’s Eve, my 7-year-old, the youngest at the table, asked everyone to share their hopes for 2025. There were nine of us — four adults, five kids — and it was interesting to see how we all interpreted the task.

My husband said something inappropriate for print. (Classic.) One of my 10-year-olds said she hoped to be less mean to her little sister. (I suppose being realistic is important when setting goals.) My friend’s 12-year-old son rattled off a list of mostly outdoor related adventures he was hoping to knock off his list. I said I wanted to seek more “stillness;” more time to just be.

I go back and forth on resolutions, probably because for most people, they don’t work. According to a study by Columbia University, only 25% stay committed to their resolutions after 30 days. I don’t think that’s a reason not to set them — though maybe it does call for some grace when doing so.

Enter former President Jimmy Carter, whose death was announced while my family and I were speeding up I-95 to Maine. He was 100 years old and had been in hospice care for 22 months. Carter’s one-term presidency is often considered a failure by historians, beset by crises and his stubborn refusal to engage in Washington’s parlor games. But the tributes and obituaries I’ve read (including this one in the Times), center his unfailing decency, honesty, idealism and compassion. Tomorrow marks four years since the violent attack on the U.S. Capitol, provoked by Donald Trump. Reflections on Jimmy Carter’s life and work only accentuate the profound differences between these two American presidents.

Earlier this week, a special episode of The Daily concluded with audio of Carter, in his own words:

I prayed more when I was in the Oval Office than at any other time in my life. I never did pray that I would be popular or that I would be re-elected. I prayed that I could keep my country at peace, find peace for others. I prayed that I could have patience and an adequate element of wisdom, judgement. St. Paul said that these are the only things that are important – justice, truth, humility, service, compassion, love. Those are the things that make a great life.

Maybe setting a resolution is a little bit like praying, minus the religiosity. Maybe instead of stating our intentions for a specific thing or series of actions, we ought to resolve ourselves to a certain way of being in the world — wise, patient, honest, compassionate, humble — that, in time, may bring about the real-world results we desire.

That’s the idea I’m holding onto in 2025, or at least trying to. (Though, real talk, I also aspire to have toned arms and a six pack.)

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