Understanding grief, the most human of emotions

Editor's Note: This essay appeared in Cognoscenti's newsletter of ideas and opinions, delivered weekly on Sundays. To become a subscriber, sign up here.

We’re taking a break from our usual format this Sunday — instead of an original essay, we’ve compiled several essays from Cog’s archive around a theme. This week, we’re focused on the most human of emotions, grief.

In August 2021, my co-editor and I worked with the late Jack Thomas on a beautiful essay about coming to terms with the end of his life. The piece first appeared in the pages of The Boston Globe, where he worked for more than 50 years; with the Globe’s permission, we adapted it for the radio.

When Jack got a terminal cancer diagnosis in 2021, doctors gave him mere months to live. He made it a little longer than that, dying at home on October 1, 2022. I only ever interacted with Jack once, over the phone, as we recorded his essay. At the time, the world was still very much in the grips of the pandemic – the Delta variant – and death was all around. I didn’t realize it then, but now I know Jack was fortunate, in a way, to be able to prepare for his end, to say goodbye to the people he loved. At the time, so many were dying alone, in walled-off hospital wards, vanquished by a virus we didn’t really understand.

Jack’s widow, Geri Denterlein, wrote a beautiful companion piece to Jack’s original essay to mark the first anniversary of his death. Working with Geri on that piece, accompanying her in the recording studio as she tracked the radio version, was a gift, a gentle lesson for me on how to encounter grief.

Geri’s is one of many essays Cog has published over the years on the topic.

I think back to the series of pieces Grace Segran wrote, about her battle with metastatic breast cancer: Like Jack, Grace had to face grieving a life she was forced to leave too soon.

Then there’s Peter DeMarco, who lost his wife, Laura Levis, to an asthma attack. His Cog piece has now been read by millions of people: He transformed his profound pain into generating awareness about “Peak Week.”

Colin Campbell’s two children, Ruby and Hart, were killed by a drunk driver. Three months later, he hosted his own 50th birthday party in their honor. He writes: “I had already learned that to grieve and be in life meant that I was continually forced to grapple with pain. There is no avoiding it. There is no protection from it. There is no way to lessen the pain of loss.  Sure, I was overwhelmed with feelings, and, yes, I cried on the beach that day, but so what? I cried every day.” His essay is a lesson in grief as a communal act.

When Nancy, the last living friend of Julie Wittes Schlack’s parents died, at 96, Julie wrote about what it means to honor, and even commune, with the dead. In her view, grief can be an act of gratitude, a form of companionship.

There are so many more Cog essays to share, but these are a few of my favorites. If you’re in a season of grief, I hope they offer some solace.