Lance Armstrong: Retirement 2.0

Lance Armstrong has called his most recent decision "Retirement 2.0."

What's the point of calling something "2.0" unless there's going to be a "Retirement 2.5," or even "3.0," each of which would necessarily follow an un-retirement, hence rendering "Retirement 2.0" as obsolete as any clunky, old software dinosaur?

Lance Armstrong has said that in the wake of "Retirement 2.0," he plans to devote more time to his family.

Do you suppose he meant "families?"

During the Retirement 2.0 announcement, which Lance Armstrong produced via telephone and by means of a videotaped interview with Associated Press, Armstrong said that there is "too much infighting, jealousy, and bitterness within the sport" of cycling. He spoke of how "everybody tries to pick apart a person or a spectacular performance."

As both a spectacular performer and a man intimately familiar with infighting in all its various manifestations, including those involving name-calling, character assassination, paranoia and attorneys, he would seem to be well qualified to make that judgment.

Lance Armstrong remains the object of a federal investigation into the use of performance-enhancing drugs by cyclists. Former teammates have charged that he led them into the practice as well, sometimes at least indirectly on the tax-payer's dime, since one of his teams was sponsored by the U.S. Postal Service.

Through his Live Strong Foundation, Lance Armstrong has raised millions of dollars on behalf of cancer research. He has successfully lobbied for an amendment to the Texas constitution which will provide three billion dollars for such research over the next ten years. He hopes to accomplish something similar in California.

During the announcement of "Retirement 2.0," Lance Armstrong said, "never say never." Then he added, "just kidding."

Pitching various products has helped to make Lance Armstrong a wealthy man. His talents along that line may have been what provoked somebody to ask whether he would consider a career in politics.

"For now, not on my radar," Lance Armstrong said.

For now.