It’s not about the football’s pressure. Just forget the air.
The quarterback’s dishonesty? Say, Bud, I couldn’t care
Much less. The owner has surrendered? Run up the white flag?
It’s so much sound without the fury … nothing but a drag.
For I have figured out Deflate-Gate, as it’s lamely named.
You heard it here: Tom Brady and Bob Kraft though lamely blamed,
Are only pawns in plans developed high above the fray,
Where football is a product, not a game for folks to play.
The selling of the NFL, relentless as a tank
That crushes all beneath it…that’s the force we have to thank
For stories of the air removed. And who removed the air?
Two guys who are suspended now, though no one seems to care.
But if their emails all referred to weight they’d gain or dump,
I wonder why they’re off the job? Each must feel like a chump.
But I digress. My point is that the NFL prevails!
The wind of this Deflate-Gate fills the league’s all-mighty sails!
The NBA post-season’s lately building to a close;
In NHL arenas, late at night, the goal light glows.
The game once called our pastime is in progress, coast to coast,
But what is the obsession that has all the fans — or most --
Debating moral questions, dire penalties, appeals…
And how a ball that’s not quite full can fly, and how it feels?
It’s football! It’s the NFL! That game has won the day!
We’re talking football! What the heck? Did we forget it’s May?
Perhaps you’ll think I walk around beneath a tin foil hat,
Or that I’m sure that aliens are talking to my cat,
But I see a conspiracy, and I believe it’s working.
The League and Kraft and Brady — all of them are only jerking
The fans around so they will all talk football all the time.
Behind the scenes, they’re laughing, all of them, and on our dime!
Because as football grows and as the other options shrink,
As sure as someone thirsty will pay double for a drink,
We’ll pay more for the product that has taught us how to care
About what’s going on with it, when all that’s there is air.