Milk From a Bull | Ep. 292

This episode is one of two recorded live with musicians from the Boston Symphony Orchestra at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass. in August 2025.

Think about the last time you faced a challenge. 

How did you try and tackle it?

Sometimes, to overcome challenges we have to get creative and think in unexpected and unconventional ways. It’s what we call “thinking outside the box.”

We’re about to meet a woman who doesn’t just think outside the box; she thinks inside the jar!

Our story is called “Milk From a Bull.” It’s inspired by tales from many places, including the Asian countries of India, Siberia, Mongolia & the Philippines.

Providing musical accompaniment for this live episode at Tanglewood, under the direction of composer Eric Shimelonis, was a world-class ensemble from the BSO: Cathy Basrak on viola, Christopher Elchico on clarinet, Clint Foreman on flute, Ben Levy on double bass, Suzanne Nelsen on bassoon, and Rachel Childers on horn.

Joining host Rebecca Sheir on stage was a star-studded cast of actors: Michael Bobbitt, Marielle Heller, Omar Offendum and Jorma Taccone.

Michael Bobbitt is a theater director, choreographer, playwright and Executive Director of Mass Cultural Council. His plays and musicals include “Make Way for Ducklings,” “Jumanji," “Caps for Sale," “Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds" and “Mirandy and Brother Wind.”

Marielle Heller has directed such films as “The Diary Of A Teenage Girl” starring Kristen Wiig and Alexander Skarsgård, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” starring Melissa McCarthy, and “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood,” starring Tom Hanks. She co-starred on the hit TV series, “The Queen’s Gambit.”

Jorma Taccone is a writer, actor, director, musician and comedian much-adored by fans as part of the comedy trio, “The Lonely Island.” He's author of the children's book, “Little Fox and the Wild Imagination,” and you can hear him on “The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast.”

Omar Offendum has performed the world over as a rapper and poet, from the Ford Amphitheater in Los Angeles to the FIFA World Cup festivities in Doha. His off-Broadway hit "Little Syria" explores life in America’s first Arab-American neighborhood.

This episode was adapted for Circle Round by Rebecca Sheir. It was edited by Dean Russell. Original music and sound design is by Eric Shimelonis. Our artist is Sabina Hahn.

GROWN-UPS! PRINT THIS so everyone can color while listening. We’re also keeping an album so please share your picture on Facebook and Instagram, and tag it with #CircleRoundPodcast. To access all the coloring pages for past episodes click HERE. Our resident artist is Sabina Hahn and you can learn more about her HERE.

Now It’s Your Turn

Milk from a bull is a preposterous ingredient… and you can brainstorm even more unlikely items by playing Mix and Match!

Script:

NARRATOR: Inside a grand palace beside a rippling river, there lived a king. The king had throngs of devoted servants at his beck and call… and his favorite was his royal advisor, Sai.

A wise old man with wrinkly-crinkly skin, wispety-white hair, and rickety-crickety legs, Sai had first been advisor to the king’s father. And after so many decades working in the palace, the aged fellow was ready to retire.

SAI: It isn’t that I wish to leave you, Your Majesty. But at my age, I’m ready to slow down… take it easy… spend more time with my daughter. I’m sure you’ll find someone worthy to replace me!

KING: But Sai! How could I EVER replace you? You’re as sharp as a pin! As clever as a fox! As bright as a brand new penny!

SAI: I’m not exactly “brand new” anymore, sire. In fact, I’m so OLD that when I was in school there was no such thing as history class!

KING: Very funny. And yet, it feels like just yesterday that my father first hired you. I was still a teeny-tiny boy, but I’ll never forget all the tests he made you pass before bringing you on. The riddles he made you answer… the puzzles he had you solve!

SAI: Your father was very thorough! He wanted to make sure he hired the best of the best!

KING: And clearly, he DID! Which is why I can’t lose you, Sai. Not yet!

SAI: Alright, Your Majesty. How about this? I will keep my position as royal advisor until you find a replacement. Something tells me my successor will be every bit as smart and clever as I am – and a whole lot newer to boot!

NARRATOR: The king wasn't the only one who held Sai in high regard. Everyone in the palace adored him. Or, almost everyone. The king’s medical advisor, Doctor Dev, wasn’t a fan. Mainly because he wanted Sai’s job!

DEV: I don’t understand how that fossil is still working in this palace! Nor do I understand why I waste my time advising the king on medical matters when I should be advising him on ALL matters! After all, I’m super smart… I’m seriously savvy… I’m superlatively sophisticated… I’m incredibly advanced in the all-important art of alliteration…I would be a much better royal advisor than Sai ever could be. (beat) I must find a way to take his place! 

NARRATOR: One spring day, the king came down with a stomach flu… and Doctor Dev came up with an idea. He waited ‘til the king was napping, then asked Sai for a quick word.

DEV: (plotting) Sai. I know you and the king are very close, so I want you to know: I am doing everything in my power to conquer this malevolent, malicious malady that’s making our magnificent monarch so miserable!

SAI: I appreciate the sentiment, doctor – and the alliteration. (beat) But isn’t it just a stomach bug? Won’t it eventually work its way out of the king’s system?

DEV: That is precisely what an amateur would say! I, however, am an expert. An authority. An ace. And this appears to be a very special stomach bug. One that requires a very special medicine.

SAI: And what would this “very special medicine” be?

DEV: Well… according to my rigorous research… my scrupulous studies… and my in-depth analysis… the king will only get better if he drinks a healthy, heaping helping… of MILK! …From a BULL!

SAI: “Milk from a bull”???!??

NARRATOR: Sai cupped a weathered hand over his ear.

SAI: Did you just say “milk from a bull”? My ears aren’t what they used to be.

DEV: That is precisely what I said, Sai. You must bring the king milk from a bull.

SAI: But that's absurd! You get milk… from a COW! Because a cow is female!

DEV: (dismissive) So?

SAI: She’s also a mammal!

DEV: (even more dismissive) So?

SAI: Female mammals are the ones who give birth, then make milk to nurse their young! 

DEV: Says YOU! As far as I’m concerned, the only hope for curing our king is the milk of a bull. (beat) And YOU must fetch it.

SAI: I must fetch it? Why must I fetch it!

DEV: Because! The king orders you to!

SAI: But you’re the doctor! Why don’t YOU get the king his bull’s milk?

DEV: Because I am needed here. Given that I am such an expert… an authority… an – what was the other alliterative appellation I used before?

SAI: An “ace”...?

DEV: Right! Given all that, I must spend the night in the guest room near the king’s chambers, in case our sickly sovereign needs me. So YOU must bring His Majesty the bull’s milk… by first thing tomorrow!

NARRATOR: Sai’s head was spinning. The king’s father had presented countless tricky puzzles back when Sai first applied for the job… but this puzzle seemed downright impossible!

SAI: Doctor Dev. If the king wishes me to bring him milk from a bull, then it is my duty to oblige. However… might I check in with him first?

DEV: Nope! Nuh-uh! Negative! The king requires rest and dare not be disturbed. (beat) So be on your way, Sai. And take care! Ta-ta! (sing-songy) Toodle-oooo!

NARRATOR: Sai gave his creaky old shoulders a shrug and tottered out of the palace. It was nearing dinnertime and his daughter, Nira, was expecting him at their cottage. The moment he trudged through the door, the keen woman sensed something was wrong.

NIRA: Father! What’s the trouble? Your brow is all wrinkled and your shoulders are slumped!

SAI: My brow is ALWAYS wrinkled and my shoulders are ALWAYS slumped, Nira! I’m an old man. That’s why I keep trying to convince the king I should retire! (beat) Though as of tomorrow, I may very well be fired.

NIRA: (GASP!) No wonder you look so upset! Tell me what happened.

NARRATOR: So Sai joined Nira at the table and told her all about the king’s stomach flu, and its curious so-called “cure.”

NIRA: Wait. Are you serious? The king is supposed to drink milk… from a bull? And he wants YOU to bring it to him?

SAI: That’s what Doctor Dev says!

NARRATOR: Nira paused. She had encountered Doctor Dev a handful of times. He had always struck her as shady. And his obsessive incorporation of alliteration was infinitely irritating.

NIRA: (with the wheels in her mind turning) Father… You just mentioned that Doctor Dev is sleeping in the guest room near the king’s chambers tonight. That room faces the river… does it not?

SAI: It does! It’s all the way on the far corner, and has a wonderful view of the water. (beat) Why do you ask?

NIRA: Because I think I know how to help you! (beat) Hang on a sec.

NARRATOR: Nira hurried to the closet and pulled out a basket of dirty laundry. She removed the soiled shirts, skirts, and skivvies until all the basket held was a bundle of blankets. Then she tossed in a metal washboard, along with the wooden paddles she used to scrub and beat stains out of wet clothing and linens.

NIRA: Father? I’m heading out for a while. Do you mind eating dinner alone tonight?

SAI: Not at all, Nira! (beat) But tell me… The dirty blankets… the washboard… the laundry paddles… What scheme are you cooking up with that brilliant brain of yours?

NIRA: (mysterious) Let’s just say that by the end of the night all your problems will be solved. Because with help from these items, I am going to take the bull by the horns, and reveal Doctor Dev’s bull’s-milk cure for what it truly is: a COCK AND BULL STORY!

NARRATOR: What is Nira planning? Will she succeed in divulging Doctor Dev’s duplicity?

We’ll find out, after a quick break.

[BREAK]

NARRATOR: I’m Rebecca Sheir. Welcome back to Circle Round, live at Tanglewood in Lenox, Massachusetts. Today our story is called “Milk From a Bull.” 

Before the break, Doctor Dev gave Sai the royal advisor an impossible task: to cure the king’s stomach flu, the wise old man must fetch milk… from a bull. 

When Sai’s daughter Nira heard the story, she knew the jealous doctor was up to no good. So she grabbed a bundle of dirty blankets, a metal washboard, and two wooden laundry paddles and brought them to the palace.

Nira walked along the river that ran beside the building. It was late at night, and the moon’s silvery reflection rippled on the surface.

NIRA: Let’s see… Father said that Doctor Dev’s room is all the way on the far corner. Which means it must be that one there!

NARRATOR: She paused beneath a darkened window. Then, one by one, she took her dirty blankets, dipped them in the river, and beat them against the metal washboard with her paddles!

NIRA: (ad-lib funny efforting sounds)

NARRATOR: …Loudly!

NIRA: (ad-lib funny efforting sounds)

NARRATOR: Within moments, a glow of light flooded the doctor’s room. The window burst open and there he was, wearing a nightcap, a dressing gown, and an outraged expression.

DEV: (calling down from window) You! Down by the river! What’s with all the ruckus???

NIRA: (calling up to him) Oh! Good evening, Doctor Dev! It’s Nira! Sai’s daughter…?

DEV: Nira! What on earth are you doing down there?

NIRA: Isn’t it obvious? I’m doing LAUNDRY! I’m dipping these blankets in the river, then using my wooden paddles to beat them against the washboard til they’re clean! It’s a common method these days.

DEV: I know how to do laundry! But why are you doing it HERE? And NOW? It’s the middle of the night!

NIRA: I’m afraid it couldn't wait! You see… a short while ago… right around dinner time… my father… had a BABY!

DEV: Your father had a WHAT???

NIRA: A baby! But when I went to swaddle the infant, I realized there were no clean blankets in the house! So I came to the river to wash them!

NARRATOR: Doctor Dev rolled his eyes.

DEV: Goodness gracious, Nira! Are you trying to make a fool of me? Or are YOU a fool? Because whoever heard of a male having a BABY??? There is not one male mammal in this world that is able to give birth! It’s the females who give birth! And nurse their young with milk!

NIRA: Ohhh! Is that so?

DEV: Yes!

NIRA: Well that’s funny. Because earlier today, didn’t you tell my father that the king was ordering him to fetch MILK…? From a BULL…? (beat) If a bull can make milk… then why can’t a male have a baby????

NARRATOR: Doctor Dev fell silent. His cheeks burned. Sai’s meddling daughter had trapped him in his own trick! But before he could muster a defense…

KING: What’s all this nonsense about me ordering Sai to fetch milk from a bull??????

NARRATOR: Another window flew open and there was the king, his brow knotted with anger.

KING: Doctor Dev! Explain the meaning of this! NOW!

NARRATOR: Doctor Dev opened his mouth to speak…

DEV: I… ummmm… uhhh…

NARRATOR: …but he couldn’t find the words. So Nira intervened.

NIRA: Your Majesty? Since a cat seems to have gotten the doctor’s tongue, I will explain. (beat) My name is Nira. My father is Sai: your royal advisor. It appears that Doctor Dev was trying to trick my father and scare him into retiring! By giving him a puzzle he could never solve! 

KING: But… why?

NIRA: Because Doctor Dev has always wanted my father’s job! He was hoping my father would quit, and HE would be next in line!

KING: Really…?! (beat) Doctor Dev? Is that true?

DEV: Ummm… uhhhh… wellllll…

KING: I’ll take that as a yes. So how about this? Since you are so eager to abandon your post as medical advisor, I shall allow you to do so. …Permanently. Go pack your bags, Dev. I never want to see you in this palace again!

NARRATOR: The disgraced doctor let out an alliterative interjection…

DEV: Blast! Blimey! Botheration!!!!

NARRATOR: …then slammed the window and stormed away.

DEV: (ad-lib angry muttering as he storms away)

NARRATOR: Once Dev was gone, the king flashed Nira a grin.

KING: You know, Nira… Speaking of your father... he does keep threatening to retire. But I dare not let him. After all, where will I ever find a suitable replacement? My royal advisor needs to be as sharp as a pin! As clever as a fox! As bright as a brand new – (stops short)

NARRATOR: The king stopped short. For all at once, it occurred to him: perhaps he had already found “a suitable replacement”... right here! The way Nira outsmarted the doctor, it was clear she had inherited Sai’s wisdom and wit. But the king had to be sure. So, just like his father before him, he decided to issue a test.

KING: (plotting something) Nira… Now that you have foiled the doctor’s evil plot – or, dare I say, his sinister scheme…? – I’d like to give you something. (beat) Catch!

NARRATOR: He leaned down and tossed something out the window. When Nira reached up to catch it, she discovered it was a jar: a large glass jar, with a narrow opening at the top.

NIRA: I appreciate the gift, sire! But what is this jar for?

KING: It’s for… an assignment! I want you to take this jar, Nira… and bring it back to me. (beat) With an entire cabbage inside. 

NARRATOR: Nira cocked her head.

NIRA: An entire cabbage inside…? You want me to bring you an entire cabbage… inside this jar…?

KING: I do! However, there are a few rules. First: the jar must be just as it is right now – not cracked, broken, or splintered in any way. And second: the cabbage must be whole. Not chopped, shredded, sliced, or diced. Much as I enjoy a good cole slaw, I want the cabbage intact.

NARRATOR: Nira examined the jar. The neck was too narrow to stuff a head of cabbage inside. It was too narrow to stuff her fingers inside!

However, she was intrigued by the king’s challenge – and eager to answer it.

NIRA: Very well, Your Majesty! I will do as you request. (beat) But this task may take some time. I shall return when I can.

NARRATOR: The king was on tenterhooks as he waited for Nira to come back. A  week passed, and Sai watched with amusement as his boss anxiously paced around the palace.

KING: (anxious, eager) When will Nira come back, Sai?

SAI: I know not, Your Majesty!

NARRATOR: Then another week went by.

KING: (more anxious, eager) When will Nira come back, Sai?

SAI: I know not, Your Majesty!

NARRATOR: Then a month.

KING: (even more anxious, eager) When will Nira come back, Sai?

SAI: I know not, Your Majesty!

NARRATOR: Then another month.

KING: (more anxious, eager) When will Nira come back, Sai?

SAI: I know not, Your Majesty!

NARRATOR: Then another!

KING: (more anxious, eager) When will Nira co – (gets cut off before he can finish the word)

SAI: (interrupting) I told you, Your Majesty! I know not! This is my daughter’s challenge, not mine. I’m staying out of it.

NARRATOR: Time marched on. And after three whole months, Nira finally returned. Sai and the king were in a meeting when Nira marched into the room. The second the king saw her, his jaw hit the floor!

KING: Oh…! My…! Goodness…!

NARRATOR: Because cradled in her hands was the large, glass, narrow-necked jar he had given her three months ago. And stuffed inside that jar… was an entire head of cabbage!

NIRA: I believe you’ve been waiting for this, Your Majesty…?

KING: Yes! I have! But… how did you do it? How did you fit a whole cabbage inside this jar?

NIRA: Wellll…

NARRATOR: She flashed a sly smile.

NIRA: (carefully) I began by going to our garden and planting some cabbage seeds. When the first seedling began to sprout, I took the jar and turned it upside-down on the dirt, right over the sprout. And there it stayed! I watered the soil around the jar from time to time… and since the glass was clear, the seedling got plenty of sun. So eventually, the seedling grew into a cabbage! And once the cabbage filled the entire jar, I cut off the stem and brought it here!

NARRATOR: Sai and the king stared at Nira. Then they stared at each other. Then…

KING: / SAI: (laughter)

NARRATOR: …they laughed!

SAI: That is utterly ingenious!

KING: Extremely inventive!

SAI: Undeniably inspired!

KING: Entirely innovative!

SAI: Absolutely exceptional!

KING: Altogether – (stops; can't think of another word) (to Narrator) … What’s another alliterative appellation I could use…?

NARRATOR: Ummm… “altogether enterprising”…?

KING: Thank you. …“Altogether enterprising”! Which, Nira, is why I want to ask you something. (beat) Will you do me the honor of becoming my new royal advisor? …After your father is ready to retire, of course!

SAI: I’ve been ready for years, Your Majesty! And I couldn’t think of a more suitable replacement!

NIRA: Thank you, father! And thank you, sire. The answer… is yes.

NARRATOR: As you can probably guess, Nira went on to advise the king with honesty, insight, wisdom… and imagination. And the king grew to trust her judgment completely. Because the notion of this sharp, clever, bright woman leading him astray was even more absurd than the notion of getting milk… from a bull!