The Masked Bandit | Ep. 314

The writer Maya Angelou said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

What she meant was: every action we take, every word we utter, they can be seen as reflections of our true character.

In today’s tale, we’ll meet an animal whose true character is revealed from the get-go – even though she tries hiding it behind a mask!

Our tale is called “The Masked Bandit." It comes from the Sioux, one of North America's oldest and largest indigenous tribes.

This episode was the first of two recorded live at Symphony Hall in Boston, Massachusetts on Feb. 7. 2026. Joining host Rebecca Sheir on stage was a star-studded cast of actors: Michael Bobbitt, Michael Cerveris, Callie Crossley, and Faith Salie.

Michael Bobbitt is a theater director, choreographer, and playwright whose works include “Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds,” “Garfield: the Musical with Cattitude,” “Jumanji,” “Caps for Sale,” “Make Way for Ducklings,” and “Not Your Mother’s Goose.” He serves as president and CEO of OPERA America.

Michael Cerveris is a multiple Tony- and Grammy-Award-winning actor for “Fun Home,” “The Who’s Tommy,” and “Assassins,” with additional Tony nominations for “Evita,” “LoveMusik,” and John Doyle’s “Sweeney Todd.” He’s had memorable roles in such TV shows as “The Gilded Age,” “Billions,” “Tremé," “Blacklist,” “Madame Secretary,” "The Good Wife," and "Fringe.”

Callie Crossley is a Boston-based radio and TV journalist, commentator, and public speaker who hosts “Under the Radar with Callie Crossley” on GBH. Her many awards include the prestigious Gold Baton DuPont Columbia award, an Edward R. Murrow Award, an Emmy, and an Oscar nomination for her producer work on “Eyes on the Prize: America’s Civil Rights Years.”

Faith Salie is an Emmy-winning contributor to CBS News “Sunday Morning” and a regular panelist on NPR’s “Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me!” Faith hosted five seasons of the PBS show “Science Goes To The Movies” and co-created and hosted one of the first ever podcasts (way back in 2006!): “Fair Game with Faith Salie.” Faith is the author of “Approval Junkie, My Heartfelt (and Occasionally Inappropriate) Quest to Please Just About Everyone” and “Ultimately Myself.”

Providing musical accompaniment, under the direction of composer Eric Shimelonis, was a world-class ensemble from the Boston Symphony Orchestra: Cathy Basrak on viola, Rachel Childers on horn, Christopher Elchico on clarinet, Clint Foreman on flute, Ben Levy on double bass and Suzanne Nelsen on bassoon.

Special thanks to everyone at the BSO, including Chad Smith, Tony Fogg, Mark Rulison, Casimir Deronette, James Campbell, Dana Filloon, Jason Leonhard, Stephen Ponchak, Amy Aldrich, Jason Lyon, and Callie Carmosino.

​​This episode was adapted for Circle Round by Rebecca Sheir. It was edited by Dean Russell. Original music and sound design is by Eric Shimelonis. Our artist is Sabina Hahn.

GROWN-UPS! PRINT THIS so everyone can color while listening. We’re also keeping an album so please share your picture on Facebook and Instagram, and tag it with #CircleRoundPodcast. To access all the coloring pages for past episodes click HERE. Our resident artist is Sabina Hahn and you can learn more about her HERE.

Now It’s Your Turn

Raccoon’s new encounter with the bees was rather surprising! So think about a time you encountered something new: a new place, person, or experience.

Think about what that new encounter taught you. What did you learn? Find a grown-up and tell them all about it. Then ask them what they learned from a new encounter of their own.

Script:

NARRATOR (host Rebecca Sheir): Long, long ago… before people roamed the earth… there lived a Raccoon.

RACCOON: (to audience) How ya doin’? I’m Raccoon!

NARRATOR: Raccoon’s stout, stocky body was covered with dense, grey fur. Her legs were short but strong, and the flexible toes on her paws helped her climb up and down trees, with her bushy ringed tail bobbing behind her.

But of all Raccoon’s features, the most distinctive was the patch of dark fur around her eyes.

RACCOON: Oh I love that patch of dark fur! It’s so cool! It looks kind of like a bandit’s mask – ya know?

NARRATOR: I sure do! And that's a rather apt comparison, actually, since… just like a bandit… you’re always STEALING things…?

RACCOON: (playing innocent) (GASP!) “Stealing things”? Little old me?

NARRATOR: YES, ‘little old you’! (beat) Come on, Raccoon. You’re notorious for swiping stuff from the other animals!

RACCOON: (playing innocent) Am I???

NARRATOR: Yes! Especially food! Given that you'll eat just about anything… be it fruits, nuts, fish, frogs, bugs, icky smelly dead things - (RACCOON cuts in)

RACCOON: (cutting off NARRATOR) I like to think of myself as an "opportunistic omnivore”!

NARRATOR: Well, thanks to your “opportunistic omnivorism,” the other animals don’t trust you! Isn’t that right, OTHER ANIMALS?

SKUNK: Oh yeah!

OPOSSUM: TOTALLY right!

SQUIRREL: We don’t trust her at ALL!

RACCOON: What??? Get out of town! I’m not THAT bad, am I?

SKUNK: “Not that bad”??? Listen, Raccoon. I’m a SKUNK. So I’LL eat just about anything too! But I don’t STEAL!

OPOSSUM: And as an OPOSSUM, I’ve engaged in my own share of "opportunistic omnivorism.” But even if I’m not picky about what goes down my gullet, I don’t take food from other animals!

SQUIRREL: Nor do I! SQUIRRELS like me do occasionally snatch an acorn from our brothers and sisters. (mischievous) And once people start roaming the earth, they’d better keep an eye on those BIRD FEEDERS! 

NARRATOR: Excellent points, all around. So? What do you have to say for yourself, Raccoon?

RACCOON: (as if working up the courage to come clean) Umm… I guess I have to say… (beat) What’s a BIRD FEEDER?

SKUNK: / OPOSSUM: / SQUIRREL: (GROAN!!!)

NARRATOR: Now, Raccoon wasn’t just an "opportunistic omnivore.” She was an “insatiable” one, too! The nocturnal critter was always craving food, whether she was out and about under the moon, or fast asleep under the sun.

One evening, just before sunset, Raccoon was snoozing away…

RACCOON: (ad-lib funny sleeping sounds)

NARRATOR: …when her grumbling stomach startled her awake!

[SOT: bassoon stomach-growl sound]

RACCOON: (waking up suddenly, startled) Whoa! Was that my stomach? Gosh! It sounded like rolling thunder! …Or an out-of-tune bassoon!

[SOT: bassoon plays something “offended/outraged”]

RACCOON: Ugh! I’m so hungry I could eat a… well, pretty much ANYTHING! Now that the sun’s going down, I’ll go out and grab some chow.

NARRATOR: Raccoon headed toward the river. And as she did, the water birds began to panic. Fearing that the sneaky scavenger would swoop in and scoop up their eggs, one by one the birds raised a call of alarm.

First Swan…

[SOT: bassoon-reed honks]

NARRATOR: …then Crane…

[SOT: French horn honks]

NARRATOR: …then Sandpiper…

[SOT: whistles]

NARRATOR: …until every bird was honking, squawking, and tweeting away!

[SOT: all instruments]

RACCOON: Sheesh! Guess I won't be eating an omelette tonight! I’d better move on.

NARRATOR: Raccoon was scooting through a tangled patch of grass when she stumbled upon Skunk. Skunk was nocturnal – just like she was – but even though it was nighttime, he was still sleeping in his bed of leaves. Beside him was a stack of pungent, overripe apples.

RACCOON: (not too loud, since Skunk is sleeping) Mmmmmm! If I can’t have myself an omelet, I’ll have myself some fruit! I’ll swoop in and swipe some of Skunk’s apples! Say two…? Or three…? …Or THIRTY?

NARRATOR: But the moment Raccoon thrust out her fingers…

SKUNK: (indignant) What do you think YOU’RE doing?

NARRATOR: …Skunk leaped to his feet.

SKUNK: I heard you sneak up on me, Raccoon! Don’t you dare steal my apples!

RACCOON: (faux-innocent) Steal your apples…? Little old me?

SKUNK: Oh please. We’ve heard this song and dance before. You’re a food-snatching bandit and everybody knows it! So go grab your own grub! Or I’ll SPRAY you!

NARRATOR: Skunk smiled and began lifting his tail.

RACCOON: Yikes! I’d better get out of here!

NARRATOR: And she did! Raccoon raced away, running and running until she reached an oak tree. Snoozing inside a nest of twigs was Squirrel. Beside her was a gleaming pile of acorns.

RACCOON: (quiet enough not to wake up Squirrel) Since Squirrel is diurnal – not nocturnal – she’ll be asleep all night! SOOOO… if I can’t have myself an omelet… and I can’t have myself some fruit… I can at least have a handful of NUTS! If not two handfuls! …Or TWELVE!

NARRATOR: But the moment Raccoon stuck out her paw…

SQUIRREL: Hold it right there!

NARRATOR: …Squirrel snapped open her eyes.

SQUIRREL: I thought I heard someone creeping up on me! Don’t you dare make off with my acorns, Raccoon!

RACCOON: (faux-innocent) Make off with your acorns…? Little old me?

SQUIRREL: Oh spare me! We all know what a bandit you are! So go get your own food! Or I’ll call all my brothers and sisters and we’ll chase you far, far away!

NARRATOR: Squirrel let out a whistle. Within seconds, dozens of squirrels came scurrying over.

RACCOON: Yikes! I’d better get out of here!

NARRATOR: And she did! Raccoon raced away, running and running until she reached a hollowed-out log. Snuggled up inside was Opossum. Opossum was also nocturnal but he hadn’t yet woken up for the night. Heaped by his feet was a writhing, wriggling mass of slugs.

RACCOON: (not too loud, since Opossum is sleeping) Well lookee here! I guess if I can’t have myself an omelet, and I can’t have myself some fruit, and I can’t have myself some nuts, I’ll have myself some slugs! Or the entire juicy heap!

NARRATOR: But the moment she reached for the soft-bodied mollusks…

OPOSSUM: Not so fast!

NARRATOR: …Opossum jolted awake.

OPOSSUM: First off! (to NARRATOR) Narrator? Nice use of the word “mollusks”!

NARRATOR: Thank you!

OPOSSUM: And second! Raccoon? Don’t even think of swiping my slugs!

RACCOON: (faux innocent) Swiping your slugs…? Little old me?

OPOSSUM: Come off it, Raccoon! You’re not fooling anybody! So go find your own eats. …(dramatic) Or I’ll FAINT!

RACCOON: (beat) I’m sorry. You’ll WHAT?

OPOSSUM: (dramatic) I’ll FAINT!

RACCOON: And that’s scary and threatening because WHY…?

OPOSSUM: (exasperated sigh) Ever heard the expression, “playing possum”? When you pretend to sleep or be dead?

RACCOON: Uh, yeah…?

OPOSSUM: Well, as a REAL possum, I can faint! I can flop to the ground and enter a comatose-like state called tonic immobility! In which I go limp!

RACCOON: (beat) (not impressed) And…?

OPOSSUM: AAAAND, the moment I go limp, I ALSO release the stinkiest, stenchiest odor you ever did smell! Accompanied by an ooze of icky green fluid! (beat) So! Ya ready?

NARRATOR: Opossum’s eyes glazed over. His tongue lolled from his mouth.

RACCOON: Yikes! I’d better get out of here!

NARRATOR: And she did. Yet again, Raccoon raced away. She didn’t stop running until her nose caught a whiff of an unfamiliar – and utterly delicious – scent.

RACCOON: Mmmm! Something around here smells AMAZING! It’s so sweet! (sniff sniff) And rich! (sniff sniff) It’s kind of flowery! But also kind of fruity! I must find out where it’s coming from!

NARRATOR: Raccoon sniffed…

RACCOON: (sniff sniff sniff)

NARRATOR: …and sniffed…

RACCOON: (sniff sniff sniff)

NARRATOR: … until she tracked the scent to a cypress tree. Trickling down the tree’s trunk was something gooey… and golden.

Little did Raccoon know, but that gooey gold was about to gum up her plans!

[live score out]

[live theme music in]

NARRATOR: What do you think will happen next? And what is that golden goo?

We’ll find out, after a quick break. 

[BREAK]

NARRATOR: I’m Rebecca Sheir and welcome back to Circle Round Live at Symphony Hall in Boston, Massachusetts!

Today our story is called “The Masked Bandit."

Before the break, Raccoon failed in her attempts to steal food from the other animals. But then, she caught a whiff of something so delicious, so scrumptious, she had to find out what it was!

She tracked the appetizing aroma to a cypress tree, whose trunk was dripping with something gooey and golden.

She gave the stuff a lick.

RACCOON: (lick) Wow! I’ve never tasted anything this heavenly! I must have more!

NARRATOR: Grasping the trunk with her nimble fingers, Raccoon began to climb.

RACCOON: (ad-lib efforting sounds of climbing)

NARRATOR: She climbed higher and higher, seeking the source of the golden goo. She finally traced it to a hole in the trunk… and thrust both of her paws inside.

RACCOON: (ad-lib thrusting paws)

NARRATOR: When she pulled them out again, they were covered with sticky honey. But they were also covered…

[kazoos!]

NARRATOR: … with bees! ANGRY bees who began stinging her all over!

RACCOON: [as kazoos continue] (getting stung repeatedly) OUCH!!! Eek! Yow!

NARRATOR: Thing is… in those early days of the world… Raccoon had never seen or tasted honey, and she had never seen a bee! 

RACCOON: [as kazoos continue]  (getting stung repeatedly) What is happening to me? And where is that BUZZING coming from?

NARRATOR: She slapped at her body with her honey-covered paws, hoping to drive her mysterious pesterers away. Instead, she just slathered herself with honey – from head to toe – and the stings kept coming!

RACCOON: [as kazoos continue]  (getting stung repeatedly) Yikes! I’d better get out of here!

NARRATOR: Raccoon took a leap and dove down from the tree.

RACCOON: Yahhhhh!

NARRATOR: A pile of dead, crunchy leaves cushioned her fall.

RACCOON: (landing) Oof!

NARRATOR: The dead, crunchy leaves clung to her dense, sticky fur. So by the time she pulled herself to her feet, she wasn’t just covered in honey; she was covered in leaves! The crunchy, dead foliage plastered her entire body – including her fuzzy face and masked eyes!

Dazed and distressed, Raccoon stumbled this way and that…

RACCOON: Ohhhh! Ohhhhh!!!

NARRATOR: …until she was finally spotted…

OPOSSUM: What in tarnation????

NARRATOR: …by Opossum! But he had no idea who – or WHAT – he was seeing!

OPOSSUM: What is that thing? … Is it a monster? It must be a monster!

NARRATOR: Raccoon couldn't see through the leaves, but she knew Opossum’s voice when she heard it.

RACCOON: Opossum! Please! Can you help me?

NARRATOR: But Opossum didn’t answer. He had already run off and cowered beneath a bush.

So Raccoon staggered on, moaning and groaning.

RACCOON: Ohhhh! Ohhhhh!

NARRATOR: Her cries woke up Squirrel, who’d been curled up in her nest. When she laid eyes on the mysterious creature barreling her way, she let out a squeak.

SQUIRREL: (SQUEAK!) There’s a monster down there! A monster!

NARRATOR: Raccoon craned her neck toward Squirrel’s voice.

RACCOON: Squirrel! Please! Can you help me?

NARRATOR: But Squirrel didn’t answer. She had already scrambled away through the tree tops.

So Raccoon bumbled on. She soon passed a berry bush, where Skunk was feasting on fruit. When he caught sight of the creature straggling toward him, his eyes went wide.

SKUNK: Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh! It’s a monster! A MONSTER!

NARRATOR: Raccoon swiveled her head in Skunk’s direction.

RACCOON: Skunk! Please! Can you help me?

NARRATOR: But Skunk didn’t answer. He had already hotfooted away, and huddled beneath a boulder!

Raccoon stumbled onward, careening this way and that, until…

RACCOON: (GASP!) Oh! That rippling, flowing sound I hear! It must be the river!

NARRATOR: Raccoon didn’t waste a beat. She lurched to the shore and dove into the current, letting the cool water soothe her stinging body.

RACCOON: (relieved) Ahhhhh! Much better!

NARRATOR: Well, after that unfortunate, ill-fated evening, Raccoon vowed to change her tune. She wholeheartedly promised to stop stealing…

RACCOON: I will stop stealing!

NARRATOR: … and pilfering…

RACCOON: I will stop pilfering!

NARRATOR: …and swindling.

RACCOON: I will stop swindling!

NARRATOR: And do you think she stuck by her word?

RACCOON: Oh come on! Of course I did!

NARRATOR: Actually… you didn’t. By the time your bee stings faded, so did the memory of your promise! And you went back to your old ways!

RACCOON: Well…? You know the old saying! You can’t teach an old raccoon new tricks! 

NARRATOR: (beat) And that’s why… to this day… if someone sees Raccoon coming – be it an unassuming animal hanging out in the woods, or an unassuming human taking out their garbage – they’d better be on alert. Because if they're not careful, the furry masked bandit is bound to strike again.

…And again.

…And again!