Alas, the last pass has passed by us.
The final run’s run out of steam.
The Super Bowl, not all that super,
Has vanished like some gaudy dream.
It’s time to consider the matter
Of what Mr. Goodell will do,
Now absent the season’s loud clatter,
To make football essential to you.
Last year he went after Tom Brady
And suspended that idol of some,
Contending that he was some shady,
Deflating and criminal bum.
The charge, fanciful from the outset,
Was dismissed. Brady showed up for work.
But the people had talked about football,
So although Goodell looked like a jerk,
He laughed all the way to the bank vault.
He’d done all he was hired to do.
The hosts of the sports shows talked football.
Admit it, my friend, so did you.
Through months, while the game hibernated,
It stayed in the front of your head.
No matter your feelings ‘bout Brady,
You heard it unless you were dead.
So what will it be this off-season
That pumps football into the mix?
What cockeyed and twisted non-reason
Will he pull from his big bag of tricks?
Will he unveil a magical helmet
Said to cushion each concussive blow?
Will he roll out a plan for expansion,
Tell us football is destined to go
To Whanganui, Warsaw, the Arctic?
Or to Cuba or some other place…
Like the moon or some nebula cluster,
Or another location in space?
Sorry, basketball, baseball, and tennis.
Too bad, soccer, golf, hockey, and such.
Goodell and his minions won’t have done enough
Until they’ve done much more than too much.
So are pitchers and catchers reporting?
Will the Madness of March soon arrive?
Goodell and his game will divert you from those
And from other diversions that thrive
In the void football hasn’t quite conquered,
As its footprint grows larger each day.
And if you’re not inclined to believe me,
Let’s await what Goodell will next say…
This segment aired on February 13, 2016.