Remembering Michael O'Brien, one of Connecticut's first to die of COVID-19

As part of our look at five years of COVID-19, Here & Now checked in with Connecticut resident Bill O’Brien, father of Michael O’Brien, who died in March of 2020. At the time, he was among the nation’s youngest victims of the virus.

Michael and his wife, Tara O'Brien, contracted COVID-19 after he DJ’d an event in Westchester, New York, where a number of attendees were infected. Bill O'Brien describes how he and his wife parked outside Michael O'Brien's hospital room as his son's condition declined, praying for him from afar.

Five years later, Bill O'Brien talks about how he took some solace in the fact that Tara O'Brien was brought into Michael O'Brien's room to hold his hand as he died. He also reflects on coming to terms with his son's death, keeping his son's memory alive, and how he's moving forward.

How confusing was navigating Michael’s illness among all the unknowns in the first months of the pandemic?

“Quite a bit! I mean, as things were going on, then, leading up to the funeral, they were changing the rules day by day. First, we thought 10 people could be at the funeral, then they said five.

“I sat in the driveway of Mike and Tara's house one day. Tara came out, but Mike stayed in the house – that was obviously before he went into the hospital. We knew he was sick, but we weren't sure what he had at that point, but we were not taking any chances. So, it was sort of confusing and you know, no one knew what the treatments were going to be.”

How challenging was being barred from the hospital and having to pray outside Michael’s hospital window, in the parking lot, as Michael was dying? 

“That's still the biggest thing that we couldn't go to go into the hospital. I keep looking back … Had we gowned up and had a mask on, could we have gotten in there? But no one knew at that time how bad it could be. The nurse blessed him each day with holy water, so they were taking care of him as best they could there. But we still would have liked to do it ourselves as well.”

Do you think people learned from your family’s tragic experience?

“I hope so. One of my sons, he's a paramedic, and he did contact the governor's office and gave some suggestions, and it seemed like some of them got used, whether this was because of his advocacy or somebody else's, I don't know.”

What would you tell people about your family’s experience and loss?

“Over a million people have lost someone, and I guess that's just in the United States, from COVID, and so we're not the only ones.

We were one of the first but not the only ones. They're, I guess, in the same position as we are … we just miss Mike terribly, still, five years later – it doesn't seem like five years. It seems almost like yesterday, but I guess life goes on.”

Tell us about Michael’s love of decorating cakes for his family, including a “Scooby Doo”-themed cake with various characters.

“For each person, he tried to match something up with each one. But we haven't had any cake since then … the family is so scattered at this point we don't get together much for birthdays anymore.”

How is the family honoring Michael’s memory?

“It took a long time, but we had all Mike's DJ materials that we had to give away. We gave some to, when he was in high school, he was interning at a local theater. So we gave a lot of his DJ equipment to the theater and some other stuff to friends who were DJs and such … It was parting with the things that he loved so so much with his DJ business and everything …

“We still want to do some kind of memorial for him. He had been married for only six months or so and, of course, in the Catholic Church … they have an ‘engaged encounter’ for marriage preparation and he loved that so much he wanted to help other couples. But of course, he never got a chance to do that – but I'm thinking of putting up some money in our local parish to help other engaged couples go through that.

“And we certainly remember him on birthdays without the cakes now, but we got a picture of Mike for the memorial service, and we have that right here in my home office …. on the easels … that he used.

“He's still front and center in our minds. I just keep picturing him going through the living room with his gear going out on another gig … but he's not here now.”

This interview has been edited for clarity.